


the theory of ribcages: cut open, and pull

by astroblemish



Category: SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gay Panic, M/M, Pining, idiots to lovers, there are no tags to describe this welp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26111746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astroblemish/pseuds/astroblemish
Summary: The last thing Yukhei wants in life is to get caught up in an accidental romantic-friends-with-benefits arrangement with a man going through a divorce, but that’s just the Baekhyun effect, luring Yukhei in when he least expects it.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 60
Kudos: 252





	the theory of ribcages: cut open, and pull

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to miri, my baekhei reply guy, even though you never helped me find a title. i hope this feeds u. also to cat, who was there to witness the birth of this stupidity, and has to remind me that she does in fact, from time to time, indulge in something non-baekchen. i really said hold on imma write 30k for a niche rarepair nobody cares about real quick. 
> 
> biggest shoutout to that ao3 posting script that finaLLY FIXED MY FUCKING ITALICS
> 
> this fic is a whole lot of stupid and a whole lot of gay pride. enjoy!

* * *

Yukhei is two beers in and has no idea what he’s doing here.

Well he has _some_ idea of what he’s doing here, mostly consisting of something about Ten being a sad lonely gay and Yukhei being the good supportive best friend that he is. Except now Ten is making out with some dude on the dance floor, and Yukhei is curled in the corner reexamining his life choices. He probably looks like an idiot, cradling his beer glass to his chest and trying to make himself look smaller, hiding his face in the brim of his snapback. Yukhei doesn’t even like beer, it’s just that it’s the cheapest thing he could get without making his bank call him to tell him they think there’s been card theft because any purchase over ten dollars is out of character.

It’s not like Yukhei is antisocial by any means, just out of place and tired. Maybe once upon a time during the period of his life where he dropped out of uni to go to technical college he would’ve had more energy to approach people and get to know strangers, but now full-time work just leaves him more exhausted than he’s ever felt in his life, and that in turn withers his confidence.

Plus, like, it _is_ a gay club. It’s hard to feel more out of place as a straight man than that. It’s not like Yukhei is homophobic or anything --on the contrary, Ten is gay, and his childhood best friend, Yuqi, is gay, and Yukhei has had enough political correctness drilled into his head to start an informative tumblr blog-- it’s just that he’s a straight man invading into gay men’s space, he doesn’t want them to misunderstand him approaching them as him leading them on, and he also doesn’t want them to feel unsafe. He gets that this isn’t a space for him, so he’s trying to take up as little as possible. He’s only here to support Ten, and considering the amount of tongue going into Ten’s mouth right now Yukhei thinks he’s done his job. But until Ten decides to leave with Yukhei or says he’s leaving with somebody else and insists he’s safe doing so, Yukhei is stuck in the corner looking like an idiot.

“Trying to discover the actual perks of being a wallflower?”

Yukhei jumps, startled, and actually spills a little beer over his hands when someone shouts into his ear, surprised to find a shorter man with silvery-blonde hair looking up at him with a smile.

“Guh?” Yukhei manages intelligently.

The man laughs, and it’s so bright and loud Yukhei can hear it clearly over the music, oddly enraptured with the sheer energy behind it. The dude is so effortlessly handsome, wearing all black that fits his slim yet broad body perfectly, wide open v-neck shirt dipping over smooth skin. It makes Yukhei jealous.

“I’m sorry, was that too outdated of a reference?” Under the low lighting, it looks his eyes are sparkling. “It’s been a while since I’ve tried to relate to the hip youths of today.”

The way he says that makes Yukhei snort, which is embarrassing, and he covers his mouth in shame. The guy doesn’t look deterred though, eyes still all sparkly as they look up at Yukhei.

“No no I got it!” Yukhei reassures, flapping his hands frantically. “I was just surprised you were talking to me.”

The guy tilts his head to the side. It’s cute, puppyish almost, but it makes him seem sharp and soft all at once. Yukhei struggles to think clearly when the guy’s dark eyes are on him like that.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he counters. “You…” he clears his throat, almost a little sheepish. “You’re cute.”

Oh. _Ohhhhh_.

As flattered as Yukhei is, he opens his mouth to backpedal and explain as much, that he’s super touched but also super straight and he’s only here to support his gay friend Ten who’s over there getting his tongue molested but when he does no sound seems to come out, and the guy cuts him off.

“Plus, you look a little lonely over here by yourself.” He shoots Yukhei a soft, kind smile, and Yukhei withers a little. “I’m Baekhyun.”

“Yukhei,” he answers. It’s on the tip of his tongue, really, _sorry, I’m not into men--_

“Can I buy you a drink, Yukhei?” Baekhyun’s voice is soft and velvety and charming, but there’s a nervousness in his shoulders and hands that makes Yukhei feel bad. He doesn’t want to leave Baekhyun with crippling rejection --Yukhei knows how that feels-- so maybe it would be better to just, pretend like he isn’t straight, feel this out, and find a way to let him down gently a little later. Baekhyun had said Yukhei looks lonely, but Baekhyun kinda seems lonely too.

Yukhei looks down at his beer glass, still half full.

“Sure.”

Baekhyun’s smile looks like it could light up the whole club, and Yukhei’s heart does something weird that makes him think he’s just experienced an entirely new emotion.

Baekhyun leads Yukhei to the bar with a hand around his wrist, and they snake their way through the dancefloor, past Ten and everything. He actually disconnects from some dude’s mouth when Yukhei bumps past him, shooting him a confused look as he sees Yukhei being lead away by a man. Yukhei just offers a helpless half shrug with his free hand then gives him a thumbs up.

Baekhyun orders a gin and tonic, then turns to Yukhei and says, “What do you want? It’s on me.”

“Can it be over ten dollars?” Yukhei asks, nervous.

Baekhyun laughs, so loud and sudden he covers his mouth. Even the bartender looks amused.

“Yes, Yukhei, that’s fine.”

“Then... a vodka with lemonade please.”

Drinking something sweet that doesn’t want to make him puke has Yukhei sighing in relief, leaning against the bar beside Baekhyun.

“So,” Baekhyun starts, looking a little more confident with his head on his palm and elbow on the bar top. “‘Yukhei’. That’s chinese, right?”

Yukhei nods. “Yeah, uh-- my dad’s from Hong Kong, but my Mom's Thai.”

Baekhyun asks lots of questions, and Yukhei answers them easily, the liquid courage of his already half-gone vodka mixer keeping his tongue loose and easy and not thinking about how he’s in a gay club talking to a gay dude that very visibly hit on him and Yukhei still hasn’t let him down gently yet. Instead he just keeps talking, about moving out here when he was a kid, dropping out of college and going to technical school, working with cars all day and having to shower twice sometimes just to get all the oil and grease off his skin. Baekhyun laughs at everything in a way that makes Yukhei’s ego swell even if he’s like sixty-percent sure it’s only because Baekhyun is trying to get into his pants.

Which does actually end up happening when Baekhyun places a slender hand on Yukhei’s thigh and starts dipping his fingers into the tears of Yukhei’s jeans and that’s, _oh_ , that’s a new emotion right there too. Why does it feel so electrifying? Is it meant to?

“What about you?” Yukhei blurts, realising that he hadn’t said anything after Baekhyun’s last question about work, too distracted by the feeling of the warm pads of his fingers brushing over Yukhei’s skin. Hell, he’s still distracted by it now. He should be pushing Baekhyun’s hand away or at least not responding so fucking positively to it, but it just feels so fucking good.

“What about me?” Baekhyun teases, eyes doing that sparkly thing as his fingers do a particularly deep dip into Yukhei’s jeans. Yukhei’s brain is officially broken --what was he asking about?

“Uhhhhhhh what do you do?” Yukhei finally manages, even as his skin burns. Oh god, Yukhei isn’t gay but Baekhyun’s fingers are really distracting in a horny kind of way and he’s thinking like he might be. Maybe it’s just Baekhyun? Everyone has their one exception, right? Yukhei had always thought his would be Dev Patel but maybe he’s wrong.

“Me?” Baekhyun looks surprised to have the conversation turned on him. It’s cute. “Nothing interesting, I do some tech-stuff for a company.” He waves his free hand, even as the other presses into Yukhei’s skin and nearly makes him jump. “It’s complicated and kinda boring, so.”

“No no I wanna hear,” Yukhei insists, so Baekhyun pulls a face and starts talking about how he consults with this team for a thing about something and it’s all a lot of big words and jargon that Yukhei doesn’t get.

Baekhyun laughs suddenly. “I can see your eyes glazing over. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“No no it’s fine, it’s interesting!” It kinda is, even if Yukhei is too stupid to get it.

Baekhyun softens. “Sorry,” he says, “for not being more interesting.”

That startles Yukhei, has him pausing. “What’re you talking about?”

“My life is super boring and I can’t even pretend like it’s cool.” Baekhyun laughs nervously. “It’s just-- I haven’t had to do something like this in a long time,” he excuses.

“What? No you’re super interesting!” Yukhei compliments, and he isn’t lying. Baekhyun is cute and pretty and funny and laughs at the same dumb jokes as Yukhei, hums along to the same songs, related to his post-school woes and had understood that diaspora feel in ways that Yukhei has always struggled to put into words. Baekhyun is so interesting even knowing such little about him that Yukhei kind of thinks he’s gay now. Surely that’s a good thing?

“You don’t have to lie, Yukhei--”

“I’m not lying.” Yukhei pouts, actually upset with how self-deprecating Baekhyun seems to be. He watches his shoulders fall. “You’re super interesting, I--” Realising any more words will make Yukhei into a certified clown has him snapping his mouth shut. He quickly changes topics. “--But what do you mean you haven’t had to do something like this in a long time?”

Baekhyun blinks a couple of times, and his neck turns a little pink even in the low club lighting.

“Just… going out into the world?” he offers, with another nervous little laugh. It’s cute how Baekhyun giggles like that to shake off the anxiety. Who knew a grown man could be so endearing? Maybe Yukhei’s sexuality crisis makes sense, then, he’s always liked cute things, like puppies, and Baekhyun’s sheer adorableness is just a side-effect of that and not like, Yukhei being gay……... Maybe. Could be both. “I recently got out of a serious relationship, so…”

“Oh,” Yukhei says. “Uh. I’m sorry?”

Baekhyun waves his free hand again. “No, seriously, we’re both better off I-- I shouldn’t have brought it up, it’s a mood-killer.” He seems to flutter on the spot a little, laughing off the anxiety again with that beautiful fucking laugh. “Do you-- Can I buy you another drink? And, um, do you wanna dance?”

 _This is the part where you say you’re straight_ , Yukhei’s head helpfully supplies.

He glances down at where Baekhyun’s hand has wormed its way onto his inner thigh.

“Yes please.”

Yukhei gets an strawberry daiquiri to mix it up, even when Baekhyun sticks to his G&T (with a little wedge of lime, a detail Yukhei missed the first time but is sure to take note this time around. For no particular reason.)

“Do you only like sweet things?” Baekhyun teases as he hands Yukhei his drink.

“Yeah…” Yukhei hadn’t been embarrassed about it before but he is now. Is it too immature of him to like sweet drinks? Does Baekhyun still want to bang him or nah? Does he care if Baekhyun wants to bang him when he’s straight? Is he straight?

Yukhei’s head hurts, and alcohol isn’t helping.

“That’s good,” Baekhyun answers, a hand around Yukhei’s wrist dragging him back down to the present, where Baekhyun’s skin is warm and soft against his. “Because I’m _very_ sweet.”

“Gghgg?” is all Yukhei manages, which has Baekhyun laughing as he drags him out onto the dancefloor.

It’s a little awkward, at first, because Yukhei doesn’t know the song and he’s trying not to spill his drink while having a sexuality crisis all at once, which is a lot of multitasking. They start off not touching, but that’s almost more awkward than the alternative, as they grow a little more familiar with the beat and braver because of it. Baekhyun’s slim, pretty hands --is Yukhei okay? Why is he so fixated on them?-- make their way up Yukhei’s chest and around his neck and _god_ why does that feel so good, he shivers from Baekhyun’s warm skin pressed against him even if he can feel condensation dripping from his glass onto his neck. There’s a little table nearby, and Yukhei skulls down the rest of his drink before leaving the empty glass there, letting his hands settle on Baekhyun’s slim waist.

Baekhyun laughs, spins them around a little so his drink can join Yukhei’s. His shoulders and hips are so broad but his waist is soft and flares inwards, so small Yukhei’s large hands fit over him easily. It makes him dizzy, drunker on this than any kind of alcohol.

“You’re pretty good on your feet for someone so tall,” Baekhyun half-shouts into Yukhei’s ear.

“I try my best,” he returns, which makes Baekhyun laugh. Yukhei’s drunk on that too.

They keep dancing even as the song changes, steadily growing closer and closer. Everywhere Baekhyun touches Yukhei feels electrifying, and he can’t get enough, growing braver too as he lets his hands roam over Baekhyun’s sides, addicted to the way it seems to make Baekhyun shudder and press close, even if they’re both panting from the heat of dancing. Their chests are pressed together now, and Yukhei can hear and _feel_ Baekhyun gasping for breath by his ear, each puff of air hot and making him shiver. Baekhyun pulls back a little, and their eyes meet, and Yukhei’s brain says, _ok so this is happening_.

He’s sharply tugged back.

“I’m gonna go.” It’s Ten, speaking in Mandarin like they’re covert spies, holding the hand of the guy he’s been battling tongues with for the majority of the night. “Are you… good?” He looks back at Baekhyun, who smiles politely, his hands now loose on Yukhei’s hips.

“Uh… yeah,” Yukhei replies, clearing his throat. “Yeah I’m good. Are you?”

“Yeah. Don’t come home though, maybe go crash at Mark’s.” He briefly glances at Baekhyun again. “Also is this you experimenting now or what? Do we need to talk about this? I feel like we do, but I also really want to go get dicked right now.”

He says _dicked_ in English, loud and obvious considering the way Baekhyun’s eyebrows raise.

“Get out of here,” Yukhei hisses, shooing him away. Ten laughs and tugs the stranger through the dancefloor to go home.

“Is that your friend or…?” The way Baekhyun says _friend_ could be a question in and of itself.

“No, roommate,” Yukhei quickly clarifies. Whatever tension that had been built up is effectively gone now. Thanks, Ten. “Sorry about that, he’s-- mmf.”

Yukhei doesn’t get to finish his sentence, because Baekhyun is leaning forward to kiss him, lips soft as he reaches up on his tip-toes. He pulls back, the kiss brief and oddly chaste, looking flustered.

“Sorry was that-- too much? I just wanted to do that. What were you saying?”

“He’s… sexiled… me…” Yukhei finishes, still blinking to get his thoughts back. “Please do that again.”

Baekhyun smiles, all too happy to, and wraps a hand around the back of Yukhei’s neck to tug him down and help close the distance between them. This time the kiss is hotter, and deeper, and longer too, sparking to ignite the tension that Ten had tried to kill. It burns, blazing like a wildfire. Baekhyun tastes like gin and lime, and Yukhei licks into his mouth to taste more, has to place his hands on Baekhyun’s waist again just to steady himself. Yukhei has always liked kissing, but there had been a trepidation and nervousness in kissing girls that he’d never liked. Something about the other sex has always just been so intimdating, with the way they’re soft and curvy and delicate under his hands, alongside the hanging dread of still not truly knowing where the clitoris is.

Baekhyun has none of that though, all broad shoulders and hard lines even with his slim waist and wide hips, any softness given by layers of chubbiness and nothing more. His chest is hard and flat and Yukhei pushes himself against it, addicted to the way Baekhyun tastes and smells and feels and the sound of him moaning when Yukhei sucks on his tongue.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Baekhyun pulls back to ask, panting. His neck is flushed and his lips are pink and pretty and Yukhei wants to keep kissing him. Really fucking bad. Not only to kiss Baekhyun more, but to maybe work out why the fuck it feels so good. “You’re sexiled but-- I live alone.”

Yukhei should say something like _I’m straight_ , or maybe, _I thought I was straight up until tonight and I need some time to think it over_ , or at the very least, _I’m not a guy who does one-night stands_.

But Baekhyun is looking up at him with those pretty dark eyes, and Yukhei is barely tipsy yet he feels so drunk. His head is screaming at him to sit down and take some time to think but Yukhei never has been one for thinking when he could just act. Kissing Baekhyun feels good, Yukhei wants to know what else will feel good too.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

It’s only when they’re out in the cool night air again that Yukhei starts inwardly screaming a little bit.

But then Baekhyun is tugging Yukhei towards him and kissing him, and it’s like Yukhei’s head voluntarily empties itself out, forgetting how to string a single coherent thought together when he can just focus on the feeling of Baekhyun’s lips against his. He sighs into Baekhyun’s mouth, content.

“This way,” Baekhyun says, biting on his bottom lip in a cheeky smile as he wraps both hands around Yukhei’s and tugs him down the street.

They’re giggling like idiots, but Baekhyun isn’t parked far, something that makes Yukhei’s jaw drop when he spots the sleek, black audi rs7.

“Oh my god,” Yukhei blurts, running towards it like an excited child. “You have such a nice car, what the fuck. What’re the specs?”

“It… moves when I press down on the pedal,” Baekhyun says slowly. Yukhei looks at him in disbelief.

“Did you buy a nice car without knowing anything about it?”

“It was nice to drive!!” Baekhyun whines. “I’m gay, man. Gays shouldn’t know about cars.”

Yukhei frowns at that, wondering if it means he really is straight, but he shoves the thought away.

“What did you say you do again?” he asks, wondering how Baekhyun can buy two rounds of mixers at a nightclub without a guilty conscience and have enough money to pick up an audi without researching what it does.

Baekhyun grins. “Something very boring that brings in six figures.” He crowds Yukhei against the car, pinning him to it, and even though Baekhyun is much smaller than Yukhei it’s so hot. It’s _really_ hot. Oh god, is Yukhei going to be into getting manhandled by twinks? Ten will be ashamed. “Do you like that?”

Having no brain to mouth filter, Yukhei says, “Like what?”

“That I have money,” Baekhyun flirts.

“Am I supposed to?” Yukhei returns, genuinely confused. “I just feel intimidated. I still have student loans. I drink beer when I’m out because it’s the only thing I can afford even though I hate it. One time I bought a cocktail and my bank called me at eight pm to report suspicious activity and I’ve been traumatised ever since.” Baekhyun stares. “Why am I saying all this? I think I’m very nervous.”

“You…” Baekhyun pulls away, then laughs. “You just think out loud, don’t you?”

Yukhei withers. “Maybe…”

“It’s okay.” Baekhyun opens the passenger door, then squeezes the tips of Yukhei’s fingers. “It’s cute.”

Somehow getting called cute flusters Yukhei more than getting kissed does, so he squeezes himself into Baekhyun’s car and then sits there trying not to spontaneously combust as Baekhyun rounds the car to get in the other side. Baekhyun quickly types a text into his phone before sending it through, looking over the console.

“Do you have enough leg room?” he asks, eyeing the way Yukhei’s knees are a little high up right now. “There’s an adjustor on the side.”

“Oh uh-- yeah, thanks.” Yukhei adjusts the seat in the silence, cringing at the awkwardness as they both just watch his chair slowly slide back electronically. Another thought occurs. “Are you like, good to drive?”

Baekhyun huffs. “Leaving it to the last second to ask, huh? But I’m okay.” He laughs nervously again. “Truth be told, I wish I was more tipsy than I feel, because I’m super nervous right now.”

“Okay well, me too,” Yukhei offers. They smile at each other. He likes how easy it is to be honest with Baekhyun. They fit together well already, Yukhei thinks. “But we don’t have to uh. Do anything. You can just drive me to the station or something. I can sleep at a friend’s place.”

“No,” Baekhyun says confidently, backing out of the lot. “I’m definitely taking you home.” The darkness of his eyes makes Yukhei gulp. He’s so hot. Yukhei can’t tell if he wants to kiss Baekhyun or _be_ Baekhyun, the effortlessly charming hot guy with a nice car and lots of money. Ah, dreams. Some of Baekhyun’s confidence wilts away though. “As long as you’re still cool with that?”

“Uh yeah, definitely am,” Yukhei rambles back, bouncing in the seat in his nerves. “If I uh, chicken out I’ll just like, James Bond roll out the moving door, don’t worry.”

That makes Baekhyun laugh, which in turn makes Yukhei grin. Some of the nerves dissipate.

“Good to know,” Baekhyun says wryly, and leans forward to turn on the music.

It’s a short drive, which is good and bad. Good because the silence doesn’t get awkward as they maintain easy conversation while Baekhyun’s lofi beats play through the car stereo. Bad because it means Baekhyun lives close to the city, which is a reminder of his wealth as his car pulls in under a fancy ass high-rise apartment building. Baekhyun lives on floor twenty-five, Jesus. Yukhei gets vertigo just thinking about it.

Even when Baekhyun lets him into the actual apartment and they kick off their shoes Yukhei says, “Woah.”

It’s wide and spacious and a little sparse looking, with a few empty cardboard boxes strewn about and tucked against the wall. The farthest wall is just glass panels, overlooking the city lights beyond.

“Do you want another drink?” Baekhyun asks.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

“Something sweet, right?” he smiles that lip-bite smile that’s secretive and flirty and makes Yukhei’s brain pull a BSOD. “I think I’ve got mixers somewhere. Go take a seat.”

He pushes Yukhei towards the couch, who obliges, watching Baekhyun over the back of the couch as he fusses around in the kitchen. He doesn’t have juice, but he has coke which is good enough. Yukhei watches as Baekhyun opens his fancy glass liquor cabinet to pull out Jack Daniels because of course he has that nearby and on hand, as well as a fancy looking bottle of gin. He cuts up a little lime slice and everything from one he grabs in the ornate fruit bowl.

“Sorry my place is a bit messy, I only just moved in,” Baekhyun explains as he heads towards the couch, handing Yukhei his drink and sitting opposite him on the other arm.

“That’s okay. It’s super nice,” Yukhei compliments, flapping his hands around. “I live in a closet basically, so.”

Baekhyun snorts bitterly into the rim of his glass. “Yeah, I lived in one of those for a long time too.”

“Oh, did you have broke student days?” Baekhyun looks at Yukhei very seriously. “What?”

“Do you want to makeout again?” Baekhyun asks.

Yukhei looks down at his drink, having barely touched it. “Okay.” He shrugs.

Baekhyun grins, leaving his drink on the coffee table and crawling over Yukhei. Woah, okay, that’s a lot of Baekhyun at once, making Yukhei hold onto Baekhyun's slim waist to steady himself again as Baekhyun presses their mouths together. That feels more natural, even as Baekhyun is still wiggling to get comfortable, eagerly nipping on Yukhei’s bottom lip in a way that may or may not gain an embarrassing whimper out of Yukhei.

Baekhyun sighs into Yukhei’s mouth, pleased, and his fingers card through his hair, knocking his snapback off as it falls over the arm of the couch. Yukhei doesn’t care. He has a lapful of Baekhyun and can’t think of anything he wants more, loving the way Baekhyun feels under his hands, his lips, even while on top of him. Fuck, Baekhyun’s ass is pressed right against Yukhei’s dick and that’s a whole other issue waiting to happen.

“Wait a second,” Baekhyun breathes out, leaning back. Yukhei lets out a little whine as he does, disappointed. Baekhyun leans to the side to pick up his drink and down it all in one go, making Yukhei’s eyes widen. “Okay, all good.”

“Woah.” Yukhei places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder to hold him back. “Are you… okay?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun answers easily. “Just a little nervous.”

Yukhei eyes the empty glass warily. “A little?” He swallows. “We don’t-- I know you brought me home but seriously. If you don’t want to do anything more than kiss--”

“I do!” Baekhyun interjects. “I do, really, I do. I just…” He chews on his bottom lip, something Yukhei shouldn’t find as tantalising as he does considering the conversation topic but. Sue him. “Well I guess you should know but... I um... I haven’t really ever… done anything with a dude before.”

Yukhei pauses, lets that sink in.

“...Huh?”

“The relationship I just got out of was with my... wife? And I spent our whole marriage in the closet and in denial so I’m still very new to all this. But I’m definitely gay!” he’s quick to reassure. “Just inexperienced. I’m excited, but also nervous.”

Yukhei stares into space.

“Yukhei?” Baekhyun prompts, looking concerned. “I’m sorry, is that too much? Should I not have said anything?”

“No!” Yukhei’s brain finally catches up. “No no, that’s fine it’s just. Um.” He scratches the back of his head. “I’ve never done anything with a dude either?”

Baekhyun blinks at him.

“What?”

“I didn’t even realise I was like, not straight until uhhhh…” Yukhei wriggles to pull his phone out of his back pocket and check the time, even with Baekhyun still in his lap. “Like two hours ago?”

Baekhyun at least looks as broken as Yukhei feels. “... _What_?”

“Yeah uh, I’m straight.” Yukhei is rambling now, and the truth is just pouring out. “Or like, I thought I was? But then you hit on me and I was gonna tell you but I kinda started liking it and then we were making out and. Yeah. Now we’re here. I thought you were gonna be the hot older rich dude walking me through it.”

“I thought you’d be the hot young boy toy showing me what I’ve been missing!” Baekhyun exclaims, then falls backwards dramatically, staring at the ceiling. “Oh my god that explains so much. You were wearing a _snapback_. Just how damaged is my gaydar after all that closet time?”

Yukhei decides to ignore that. “Boy toy?” he quotes, smiling somehow at the ridiculousness of the situation. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-one,” Baekhyun bemoans behind his hands, which as Yukhei’s eyes widening. He peeks through a crack in his fingers. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-four,” Yukhei supplies. “You are… really cute for someone so old.”

Baekhyun makes a strange noise somewhere between despair and flattery. He rubs at his eyes a bit before sitting back up and letting them fall. He lets out a long breath, then stares at Yukhei very seriously.

“So… I was your first gay crisis?” he decides to ask. Yukhei nods. “Well. I’m flattered?”

“You should be, you’re very hot,” Yukhei compliments earnestly. Baekhyun snorts.

“I can’t believe it was just a lightbulb moment for you,” he grumbles.

“Well… I dunno if I’m gay,” Yukhei supplies. “Maybe I’m just Baekhyunsexual.”

“‘Baekhyunsexual’,” Baekhyun quotes, then laughs, cute little giggles that make Yukhei laugh too, contagious. They grin like idiots, looking at each other from opposite ends of the couch.

Eventually, it dies down, and Baekhyun’s smile softens. “Well, I think our epiphany has killed the mood a little.”

“Has it?” If Baekhyun crawled into Yukhei’s lap again he could probably go right back to where they started. Baekhyun gives him a look. “I mean uh, yeah I agree.”

Baekhyun huffs in amusement, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to sleep with someone who only just realised they’re not straight, and sorry I just-- I feel underprepared now. I told myself I was ready to finally doing this but now that I’m here I think maybe I’m not.”

“That’s okay,” Yukhei says. He glances around. “I can just uh, get an Uber home then--”

“No, it’s late. Stay,” Baekhyun offers quickly. “I shouldn’t drive right after that--” he points to his empty glass on the coffee table. “--but I can take you home in the morning, save you the money. It’s the least I can do for--” he gestures around himself-- “all this.”

“Oh.” It makes Yukhei relax, because truth be told Baekhyun’s couch is super soft and Yukhei is kinda tired and if he’s not going to get laid he does just want to sleep. Not having to leg it home again is a nice bonus. “That’d be great, thanks.”

Baekhyun smiles at Yukhei, then shuffles around to pick up their empty glasses, bringing him back a full one of water instead. Yukhei chugs it down eagerly, as Baekhyun lays out a clean set of towels. They argue over who gets the couch, with Yukhei winning.

“I don’t think I’d have any clothes that fit you, sorry,” Baekhyun says. “Are you sure you’re okay with the couch?”

“I’m your guest! Of course it’s okay.” Yukhei grins up at him to reassure him. “Thank you, Baekhyun.”

“Um. You’re welcome. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen, bathroom is just down the hall.” His sentence finishes off with a yawn, Yukhei watching as Baekhyun stretches and wondering why his arms bend so weirdly like that.

Yukhei’s more tired than he’d realised without horniness pushing him forward. Baekhyun bids him a stilted goodnight and retreats to the bedroom, leaving Yukhei to pull out his phone and see a text from Ten.

_Lmk ur not dying on the street xoxo_

Yukhei sends a selfie of him in Baekhyun’s apartment with a thumbs up, then turns off his phone to conserve power, leaving it on the coffee table. He kicks off his jeans under the thick, spare comforter Baekhyun had given him, curling onto the couch cushion and bending his knees to get his legs to fit. As anticlimactically as the night had ended, Yukhei is too tired to care right now.

Though the lights flicking on pull Yukhei back from the brink of subconscious, making him grumble, “Ghgg?”

“Yukhei.” It’s Baekhyun, looking small and soft with a blanket over his shoulders and adorable pyjamas with pictures of astronaut dogs in space printed on them. With his clean face and looser clothes he just looks really fucking cute. And soft. Has Yukhei mentioned he looks soft? He really wants to hold Baekhyun, though he doesn’t know why the urge is so strong. “I can’t let you stay on the couch in good conscious. Do you wanna just… cuddle?”

Yukhei lets the words filter through his sleepy brain which is still somewhat thinking in Mandarin with Cantonese curse words.

“Yeah, okay.” He gets up and follows Baekhyun to his bed.

It’s softer and comfier than the couch, much less of a tight fit for someone who’s six-three, and it smells like Baekhyun. Yukhei breathes it in, more addicted to it than he should be, and patiently waits for Baekhyun to slip under the covers beside him. He flicks off the bedside lamp as he does so, facing one another in the dark.

The atmosphere is weird, Yukhei thinks. Though it breaks when Baekhyun says, “Big spoon or little spoon?”

Yukhei inhales softly in surprise. “No one’s ever asked me that before.” Being a big dude kinda ensures getting relegated to big spoon. Yukhei thinks his eyes might be watering. “Small spoon, please.”

Baekhyun laughs, but obliges, and Yukhei wiggles in happiness when he turns around and feels Baekhyun’s chest pressed against his back, his breath against his neck.

“Goodnight, Yukhei,” Baekhyun mumbles. Yukhei’s eyes fall shut.

In the morning when Yukhei wakes up he’s on his back and Baekhyun is slotted against his side, head on Yukhei’s outstretched arm. He can’t feel his fingers, but that’s okay, because Baekhyun’s dyed hair is fanned out all around him and he looks super cute sleeping, making these little noises under his breath like a puppy. He seems so soft and so young --so pretty, too.

Yukhei lets himself doze a little more, and stirs only when he feels Baekhyun rise beside him, watching him stretch.

“Hey,” Yukhei greets. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Baekhyun returns, a little shy even as he holds his head. “I feel like shit.”

“I feel great!” Yukhei retorts. “Your bed is so comfy.”

“I hate young people.” Baekhyun winces in his hungover pain and Yukhei laughs at him. Silence stretches, and Baekhyun looks down at him fondly, reaches out with one hand to run it through Yukhei’s hair. He leans into the touch, sighing pleasantly at Baekhyun’s fingernails raking over his scalp. It’s a weirdly intimate moment, something that Yukhei only realises once Baekhyun has pulled his hand back and is chewing on his bottom lip.

“I know I said I’d take you home, but…” He worries the poor lip even further. It just makes Yukhei want to kiss him again. Oh, so that’s still a thing even a night of rest and sobriety. Huh. “...Do you wanna go out to breakfast? I don’t really have much food here and--” he cuts off, but doesn’t finish.

“Okay,” Yukhei says, then grins. “That sounds great.”

There’s something very strange about waking up in bed with someone Yukhei didn’t sleep with. Or rather, extra weird because he’s only here because he _was_ going to but then didn’t. Yet there’s a fond sort of domesticity to it that he likes, using Baekhyun’s shower and phone charger while drinking water as Baekhyun uses the bathroom himself. There’s something really, really nice about getting all the soft, intimate treatment one would post-sex without all the sex. Yukhei stares at the wall for a moment after that thought. Is he okay? Isn’t sex meant to be the better part?

With his phone back on, it buzzes consistently with texts from Ten asking him where the hell he is and if he went home with someone and what the hell he was doing with the quote unquote ‘hot twink’ from last night that he’d been dancing with. Yukhei just promises to be home later and says they’ll talk about it then, because he doesn’t have the energy to type out paragraphs about how he’s definitely not a zero on the Kinsey scale anymore.

“Ready?” Baekhyun asks as he walks out of the shower fully dressed, much to the disappointment of some of Yukhei’s loose towel fantasies. He nods, and they head out through the foyer, this time, since the cafe Baekhyun has in mind is only a short walk away. It’s a nice day, even if Yukhei feels a little gross in yesterday’s clothes, yet the silence stretches between them --Yukhei would say they’re both kind of talkative people, but neither of them can come up with anything to say.

Once they’re seated at a table for two and Yukhei has clumsily apologised for the way his knees invade Baekhyun’s space, Baekhyun asks, “So are you still Baekhyunsexual?”

Yukhei hears the windows shut down noise echo in his skull. “Huh?”

“I mean, you’re sober and you’ve had some time to think,” Baekhyun clarifies, pointedly staring at his menu even as his neck goes red. “I was wondering if it was just heat of the moment for you, or…?”

Yukhei thinks about how much he’d wanted to kiss Baekhyun when he’d woken up, how much he wants to kiss him right now.

“Yeah,” he croaks out. “Definitely still a thing.”

Baekhyun’s smile is a little shy but very pleased, ducking his head down into the menu.

They order, and with the large A3 menus cleared away neither of them have anything to hide behind now. Yukhei fidgets with his hands in his lap, knees bouncing, and Baekhyun reaches for his glass of water, skulling it down. The silence stretches.

“So,” Yukhei starts, because he just can’t stand it anymore. He’s not built for silence --or sitting still, but he can at least handle one at a time. Not both simultaneously. “How did you work out you were gay?”

He regrets saying it as soon as it comes out of his mouth, but Baekhyun only looks at him for a moment before giggling, snorting at the bluntness of it.

“I guess some part of me always knew,” he answers, putting his water glass down, slim fingers tracing its rim. Okay so, Yukhei still has a thing for his hands. That’s good. Or bad, if Yukhei wanted to maintain his heterosexuality. Eh. “I think, for a long time, I convinced myself I was bi, and that I could just repress the side of me that liked men.” His expression turns pensive. “But then I married a woman, there’s only so long you can keep up that ruse, I guess.”

Yukhei nods in understanding. “What were the signs?”

Baekhyun smirks. “Are you asking because you’re interested in my story or because you need a point of reference?”

“...Both?” Yukhei offers.

Baekhyun laughs and leans back, looking out the window, elbow over the back of the chair. God he is so hot, what the fuck. Is that _legal?_

“Well, for starters I only ever watched gay porn.” Yukhei chokes on saliva, furiously slapping his own chest to get air back. Baekhyun watches him amusedly. “Told myself I was just more comfortable with dicks because I had one. Who’d’ve thought.”

Yukhei has only watched gay porn once, by accident, and it had scared the shit out of him. They had done things to that poor man’s asshole that had given him nightmares for weeks.

“Okay, what else?” Yukhei prompts, though Baekhyun’s line about being more comfortable with dicks rings true. Yukhei thinks back to all the porn he’s watched with a guilty conscience in his life, trying to remember which half of the pair had helped get him off more. With a boner and a hand around his dick the last thing he’d tended to be doing in those moments was cross-examining his thought process.

“Well, I always stared at other men in locker rooms.” Baekhyun leans forward, elbows on the table and chin on his hands. His eyes are doing that sparkly thing again, and Yukhei swallows nothing. “And I liked how they smelled, how they looked, how they felt.” His foot brushes Yukhei’s under the table, and with the odd tension in the air it makes him jump, knee slapping the tabletop and earning a curse in Cantonese.

Baekhyun pulls back, and laughs.

“Any of that ring a bell for you?” he asks.

Yukhei scrunches his face, deep in thought. He likes how Baekhyun smells and looks and feels, but he doesn’t know if he’s ever noticed it with other dudes as much. Maybe? Yukhei’s beginning to ponder how much he never paid attention to men only because women were easier. Other than him and Ten making out one time in college and becoming their deepest darkest shame to this day, Yukhei hasn’t even been hit on by a man before Baekhyun. He supposes he’d always looked as straight as he’d felt.

Ha.

“A little,” Yukhei offers. “Is this why you got divorced?”

Baekhyun chuckles again at the bluntness, which Yukhei winces at as soon as he’s said it, having not thought it through, but he doesn’t look upset.

“A big part of it was me not being attracted to my own wife, yes,” Baekhyun deadpans. “She actually worked it out before I did, I think. Our sex life was decaying, so when she offered a devil’s threesome to spice it up she said I was ‘a little _too_ into it’.”

That makes Yukhei burst into laughter, which has Baekhyun smiling too, a line in his shoulders dropping, one that Yukhei hadn’t even noticed until it was gone.

“I love her more than anyone in the world,” Baekhyun states firmly, staring down at his water glass again. “But I think we were together only because it’s what everyone else wanted from us.”

Yukhei can sympathise.

“So,” Baekhyun starts, clearing his throat and sitting up straighter. His pensive expression disappears. “How’s your current sexuality crisis going now?”

Yukhei frowns, having to think about it. That makes Baekhyun laugh under his breath, though Yukhei doesn’t know why.

“Fine?” he offers. “I don’t know, I think it will be worse when I go home.” Baekhyun tilts his head. “You……………….. are distracting.”

Baekhyun’s lip-bite smile looks pleased. “Little old me?”

“Yeah, emphasis on the old.” Baekhyun’s happiness quickly turns to exasperation and he kicks Yukhei under the table, even as he guffaws like a goofy idiot.

“You’re unbearable.”

Yukhei is saved from having to come up with a clever retort he doesn’t have by their food coming out. Yukhei is so hungry he digs in as soon as the plate is down without second thought, moaning at the taste of eggs.

Baekhyun laughs at him. “So cute.”

Yukhei chokes on his food a little bit, but furiously swallows down more to distract from the new range of emotions he experiences every time Baekhyun calls him that.

Yukhei compliments the food, and Baekhyun talks about having only discovered this place recently after moving but enjoying it, thankful to have someone to bring as an excuse for once. It makes Yukhei’s head spin a little, because there’s something so intimate about all this that he can’t seem to rationalise. He and Baekhyun made out, like, a _lot_ , and then they cuddled, and it was like having a romantic one-night stand. Except now they’re having breakfast together, and Yukhei is pretty sure Baekhyun has been flirting with him a little bit, and he’s confused as to where to go from here. Is this, like, a date?

“Is something wrong?” Baekhyun asks, concerned, pulling Yukhei from his reverie. “You stopped moving for a whole minute there.”

Yukhei comes back into focus, and notices his fork is in hand halfway to his mouth, frozen in time when the thoughts had occurred.

“Uh, I’m fine,” he assures, finishing his bite so that his cheeks poke out and giving Baekhyun two thumbs up. He just looks amused --and something else, something Yukhei can’t pinpoint yet-- all over again. Yukhei swallows. “Just… thinking.”

Baekhyun softens, making him look younger and older all at once.

“I get it,” he consoles. “It’s not easy realising you’re not the thing you’re told you should be.”

It takes Yukhei a few extra seconds to unscramble that sentence in his multilingual addled brain, and then even more to work out how to respond. That’s… not what he’d been thinking about at all? In the slightest?

He opens his mouth to say as much, but the server is taking away their plates and it cuts the conversation short. Baekhyun says they can pay at the front, and when Yukhei fumbles through each of his pockets trying to remember where he put his wallet Baekhyun just pushes his hand away and pays the whole thing.

Outside, Yukhei says, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” Baekhyun smiles up at him; Yukhei’s heart stops dead in his chest for longer than should be humanly possible. “You’re the broke youth and I’m the rich older daddy, right?”

Yukhei laughs, then straightens and gravely says, “Don’t ever call yourself that again.”

Baekhyun’s eyes sparkle. “Noted.”

They walk back to Baekhyun’s apartment talking about video games since Baekhyun asked what Yukhei’s plans were for the weekend and he mentioned too much PUBG. Baekhyun _really_ likes video games, and so does Yukhei, so it works out well, both enthusiastically flapping at each other as they talk about the League of Legends professional scene. Baekhyun’s thirty-one, and a picture of sensibility in his long coat, perfectly-fitting clothes and styled hair, but his eyes light up as he talks about playing too much Stardew Valley to romance his male fave, and he’s just so _cute_.

Their hands brush between them as they walk, and Baekhyun quickly pulls away, shoving his hands into his pockets. Yukhei feels like his heart is breaking, though he doesn’t know why.

They go back down to the parking garage, and Yukhei gives Baekhyun his address, only a short fifteen minute drive out of the city. This time Baekhyun plays something more upbeat and fun for the day --the controls to pick are on his wheel and connected to the awesome LED display behind it, ugh Yukhei loves this car. They talk about music then, for a little bit, which somehow turns into complaining about having to go back to work tomorrow, and Yukhei doesn’t know why conversation with Baekhyun is so easy but he’s glad that it is.

Much to Yukhei’s disappointment --another thing he’ll have to think over, sigh-- they reach the apartment block for the dingy little flat he shares with Ten. Yukhei is going to miss Baekhyun’s soft bed and high pressure shower, that’s for sure.

“Well.” Baekhyun pulls into a park out front, and the car rolls to a stop. “We’re here.”

“Yep.” Yukhei still doesn’t move, drumming his hands on the tops of his thighs. It feels like there’s still more to be said, like to crack another joke about how _weird_ the last twelve hours have been, or to ask Baekhyun if they can do it all again sometime. But Yukhei doesn’t have the bravery to say any of it, only feels his brain short circuit in some mix of English, Cantonese and Mandarin that has him coming up short.

Baekhyun is chewing on his bottom lip, but he says, “Can I have your number?” Yukhei blinks at him. “I had fun hanging out with you, despite… all the mistakes.” Baekhyun laughs nervously. “It’d be nice to have a fellow confused gay in crime. Whaddya say?”

It makes Yukhei laugh, if nothing else, but everything Baekhyun says does that.

“Okay,” he agrees, and hands over his phone.

They say goodbye with an awkward fist bump over the console (no thanks to Yukhei’s brain trying to ruin the moment) and as Baekhyun drives off Yukhei watches him leave, phone burning a hole in his back pocket from the weight of his number and the burden of deciphering what exactly _hanging out with you_ entails.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“I’m good man, how are you?” Yukhei counters as Ten beelines towards him before he’s even got his shoes off.

“Did you seduce a twink so you could have a sleepover at his house or what?”

Yukhei pauses, deeming that surprisingly accurate. “Uh… kinda?” Ten looks somewhere between impressed and disappointed. “But it’s not what you’re thinking. I went home with him because I wanted to.”

“O...kay?”

“We uh, made out.”

Ten’s eyes widen, and he just stares at Yukhei.

“...Wow.”

“Yeah.” Yukhei rubs the back of his neck. “So uh, I’m not straight.”

It takes Ten a long moment. “Huh.”

“‘Huh’?” Yukhei quotes, disappointed at how nonchalant Ten seems. “What do you mean _huh_?”

“I mean, it’s not that surprising,” Ten clarifies, making Yukhei frown. “I’m gay, and Yuqi is a fucking softball lesbian. Gays tend to find each other, we’re like magnets.” Yukhei’s eyebrows furrow together. “And like, you were always just… not homophobic enough.”

“Not homophobic enough!?!?!?!” Yukhei repeats, incredulous.

“Yeah.” Ten shrugs. “You were always just _too_ cool with it all for a straight dude. Even during the Night We Don’t Talk About--” they both wince at the mention, Yukhei even shudders. “--You kissed me back more than you probably should’ve. You only ever say ‘no homo’ jokingly. It’s just uncanny, Xuxi. I’ve had suspicions.”

“But--” Yukhei is bewildered; here he is expecting Ten to have been shocked. “--I’ve never felt that way about a dude before last night?”

Ten shrugs, and sits on the couch. Yukhei, zombified, sits next to him. He pats Yukhei’s knee comfortingly.

“Maybe it’s because you just never thought about it?” Ten offers. “Or the opportunity never presented itself before last night?”

“But on The Night We Don’t Talk About--”

Ten’s gagging noise cuts him off. “That was different. I’m your best friend, of course you’re not attracted to me.”

Yukhei leans back slowly with a long exhale, trying to take it all in. He ends up pancaked on the couch.

“So what am I? Gay? Bi? Straight with a few exceptions?”

Ten hums. “Mostly an idiot.” Yukhei lets out an indignant screech, which Ten of course ignores. “Labels are comforting, Yukhei, but maybe they’re not what you need to worry about right now.” He pokes Yukhei’s thigh petulantly. “Tell me about last night.”

Yukhei pulls a face at the mention. As lovely as it had all been, it’s a _little_ embarrassing.

“Um, so, we made out,” Yukhei starts, as Ten nods attentively. “He… took me home. We made out more. And then, uhhhhh…”

“When he tried to take it further you gay panicked?” Ten offers.

“Not even?” _Now_ Ten looks surprised, piece of shit. “He did? He said that he only recently came out so he was inexperienced, and when I said _I_ was inexperienced he kinda freaked it. I guess he wanted someone to uh--” how did Baekhyun phrase it? “--show him what he was missing.”

Ten snorts, then doubles over laughing.

“ _Man_ ,” he remarks. “Of course your first experience with a dude goes like that.”

“I didn’t want it to!!!” Yukhei whines. “I was committed to putting a dick in my mouth if that’s what it took!”

“God that is imagery I never wanted.” Ten shivers, but when his disgust dies down he looks at Yukhei pensively. “Then what happened?”

“I slept over and he bought me breakfast?” Ten snorts. “It was like a one-night stand without the sex.”

“This is too good. It’s so funny I can’t laugh.” He wipes tears from his eyes leftover from the last bout of laughter. “I think the hardest part of this all to believe is that you were willing to have a one-night stand.”

Yukhei pancakes further into the cushions. “He was so _hotttttt_ ,” he despairs, sighing wistfully. “I would’ve let him do anything to me.”

“Okay well I know I said you don’t need labels but you can definitely use ‘bottom’.” Yukhei lets out an indignant scoff. As _if_. “So you guys hung out this morning, then. Did you get his number?”

“Yes!” Yukhei perks up, and pulls his phone out to proudly display the new contact. “Should I text him now? Ask him out again?”

“Woahhh, slow down there man.” Ten carefully puts his hands over Yukhei’s to lock the screen. “Texting culture isn’t any different between straights and gays, you gotta play a little harder to get the morning after.” Yukhei pouts, drooping. “And I think you need to work out what you want from this before you go rushing in again.”

Yukhei lets that filter through, taking a moment. “What I want?”

“Yeah,” Ten amends. “Yukhei you... are definitely the romantic type. But this is a dude who tried to hook up with you. Also you only _just_ realised you’re into men. Do you think asking him out is going to be a good idea right now?”

Yukhei hates Ten for how logical he can be, sometimes. “...No.” He goes back to pancaking in his dejection. “There were… a lot of mixed signals.”

Baekhyun had been flirty, sure, but he’d also dulled down a lot of the touchiness Yukhei had experienced the night prior. It’s hard to tell how much of that was Baekhyun flirting just because he can, and Baekhyun flirting with _purpose_.

Ten hums. “Makes sense, he told you he wanted someone with experience, right?” Yukhei nods sadly, withering further. “Maybe you should try to keep things a little more platonic, you know? But _later_ in the week. You just spent a night and morning together. Give him some space.”

As reluctant as Yukhei is to admit it, Ten is right. He stares at his phone with a frown before pocketing it, rubbing the back of his neck. Ten offers to go make tea, and Yukhei accepts, taking the moment of silence by himself on the couch to filter his thoughts.

Keep things platonic? It’s easy enough for Ten to say, but he hasn’t experienced just how kissable Baekhyun is.

Yukhei pulls a face at the ceiling, still flattened on the couch. Ten’s right, he _is_ a romantic, all Yukhei wants is someone to hold hands with and wake up next to, and he’d done all that with Baekhyun, which is probably the only reason he’s feeling as attached as he is. He’s just confusing feelings with flattery, of having (newfound) attraction be reciprocated. That’s all. Platonic will be easy.

His phone buzzes, and Yukhei feels his whole body light up when he sees it’s from Baekhyun’s new contact.

_[Baekhyun sent a photo]_

_You left this at my place!_

_We’ll have to hang out again soon so you can get it back_.

It’s a picture of Yukhei’s snapback, held in Baekhyun’s pretty, pretty hands. Yukhei smiles so wide it stretches his cheeks.

 _Deal_.

He catches the lingering smile when Ten reenters the room, forcing it to fall as he accepts his tea and pretends to feel nonchalant.

It’s only when he burns his tongue that Yukhei wonders if maybe platonic will be harder than expected.

Yukhei’s week at work is… long. Mostly because it’s hard to focus.

Yukhei never has been much of a thinker, much more used to solving problems with his hands and getting them out of the way as soon as possible. It’s why he likes being a mechanic so much, that constant trial-and-error until the thing is fixed is right down his alley.

But his new-found identity has him deep in thought. He keeps staring at his coworkers trying to work out if he’d bang them. The answer comes up short.

“Hey, dude,” he asks on Thursday, with Mark popping his head up on the other side of the car they’re working on. “Do you think I’m gay?”

Mark takes a moment, then says, “I dunno? Why do you ask?”

Yukhei wipes the oil off his fingers on a rag. “Just wondering.”

“I think it’d be kinda disrespectful of me to make any assumptions bro,” Mark offers. “But you’ve only talked about women before, so…” He drums his fingers on the car roof. “Are you? Gay, I mean.”

“I don’t think so?” Yukhei answers, still unsure. He’s had girlfriends before, sure, and he’s trying to remember if any of them had made his skin burn the way Baekhyun’s hand on his thigh had. At the same time, no matter how much he scrutinises men in his daily life, Yukhei just can’t work out if he would fuck them or not, if they offered.

“What’s this?” Kun asks, walking past. “Who’s gay?”

“Yukhei’s curious,” Mark supplies.

“Oh?”

“But not certain!” Yukhei is quick to add, a little wary of judgement. He knows his coworkers are all great guys, but Ten’s uncontrollable laughter at the Baekhyun-fiasco makes him self-conscious.

“Oh well, that’s easy then,” Kun says. “Would you jerk a guy off?”

Yukhei thinks very seriously about Baekhyun in his lap, his hard-on pressed against Yukhei’s thigh.

“Yeah.”

“And would you suck one off?”

Yukhei has to swallow at the thought because his mouth waters. The way Baekhyun had tasted… what would the rest of him taste like too?

“Yeah…”

“And would you let him fuck you?”

Record scratch.

Yukhei winces. “Probably not?” He rubs a hand over his lacking ass (Ten’s words) at the thought. “Wouldn’t that hurt?”

“Kun bro, I gotta argue here. I don’t think sexual fantasies are enough for a curious mind to make a decision,” Mark points out. “And there are like, heaps of dudes that aren’t willing to try penetrative sex, straight or not. It doesn’t really like, mean anything.”

Kun shrugs. “Probably not, but I thought it might’ve helped.”

“It didn’t,” Yukhei says. “When you say stuff like that there’s only one dude I think about.”

Kun looks at Yukhei. “Oh? Who is it?”

“Is it me?” Mark asks. “Because you’re my bro, man, I dunno if I can love you the way you deserve--”

“It’s not anyone you know,” Yukhei interjects. He shrugs, stiff and defensive. “Just a dude I met at a club.”

Kun hums. “That hot, huh?” Yukhei chokes on nothing.

“Man, I wish I was hot enough to give people a sexuality crisis,” Mark complains. “What am I doing wrong?”

“What’re we talking about?” Yuta asks, inserting himself into the conversation.

“Would you fuck me?” Mark asks. “If we were like, dudes in love.”

“Yeah for sure,” Yuta answers. “How’d Mark’s fuckability come up?”

“Yukhei’s got a crush on a dude,” Kun supplies.

“I do _not_ \--” Yukhei inhales deeply, then groans. “Arrrghhh.”

“I didn’t know you liked men bro,” Yuta commends. “Congrats!”

“I don’t know if I like men!” Yukhei retorts. Bringing this up at work was a mistake, clearly. “That’s the original problem! What if it’s just the one dude and it’s only because he’s super hot and my dick is confused about it?” What if it’s not even attraction at all? What if Yukhei is just lonely and touch starved and his body could react to a broom feeling him up at this point?

“Eh.” Yuta shrugs. “You won’t really know unless you experiment, y’know.”

“Yeah bro he’s right actually,” Mark adds. “You can imagine sucking dick all you want but you won’t really know until it’s right in front of you. Like, _woah_. That’s a dick.”

“But not all men have dicks,” Kun argues.

“That’s a good point.” Mark frowns in thought.

Yukhei’s head hurts. “So I should experiment more?”

“Totally,” Yuta answers. “Work out what you like, y’know. Try something beyond one hot dude.”

It’s all a little daunting to think about. Does it mean Yukhei should go back to the gay club and try to hook up with somebody else? But Ten won’t want to go for another few months now that he’s satisfied his bi-annual horniness… Hm. Yukhei supposes Grindr exists, but the prospect of that also terrifies him. Where does he even start exploring something he can’t find to begin with?

“You know, I don’t pay you guys to stand around and talk,” Kyuhyun pipes up, entering the garage. They scramble and separate, back to work.

By the time the week is over, Yukhei’s head hurts and he’s exhausted. The nine ‘til five grind is designed to kill anyone, but on top of his newfound crisis it just feels extra hard. Yukhei isn’t designed for thinking, he’s designed for doing.

He collapses face first onto his bed, rising only when he feels his phone buzz in his back pocket and despairing when he realises he must’ve stayed like that for half an hour, God.

But it’s a text from Baekhyun, which has Yukhei perking up.

_Your hat is taking up a lot of space in my apartment_

_[Baekhyun sent a photo]_

It’s a selfie of him in Yukhei’s snapback, biting his bottom lip with a hand under his chin.

_How do I look?_

_twenty years younger! almost like u didnt exist when dinosaurs did_

(Yukhei saves the picture.)

_Fuck you._

_Come collect your stupid hat_.

Yukhei runs a hand through his hair, checks the clock on his phone screen, decides, _fuck it_.

_OK!_

_What r u doing tonite?_

On fridays, Baekhyun had explained, he acts the lame old man role and stays in eating pizza and trying to nurse his weekly exhaustion.

Which is awkward, because Yukhei usually does the same thing, but doesn’t have the excuse of being old(er) or the awesomeness of getting pizza, so he’s arguably even worse off.

Until Baekhyun invites him over to share his misery, and Yukhei is perhaps too eager to accept, showering quickly and fiddling with his hair in the steamy mirror until he deems it suitable. Ten had told him to play hard to get, and Yukhei figures a week is pretty hard. At least for him, if no one else; he’s buzzing out of his skin with his excitement to see Baekhyun again.

Which is totally healthy and platonic, yeah.

Ten is on the couch eating a bag of hot cheetos for dinner when Yukhei goes through the living room to leave.

“Woah,” he says. “You’re going out on a Friday? In this economy?”

Yukhei grabs his keys off the kitchen counter. “How did you know you were gay?”

It’s a testament to their long-standing friendship that Ten doesn’t question why Yukhei would ask such a thing so suddenly, instead humming pensively. “I dunno, I guess I always knew. I mean, look at me.”

He has a point there.

“So what?” Yukhei leans back against the counter. “You just looked in a mirror and said, _fuck, that piercing is in the gay ear._ ”

Ten snorts. “Well, no… it took time,” he admits. “When I was twelve I didn’t care about girls like everyone else did, and slowly over time I realised I never would.” He shrugs. “It was a slow awakening, sure, but when I knew I just knew. It felt right. I grew into it.”

Yukhei frowns because he doesn’t relate to any of that in the slightest. He’d barely related to Baekhyun’s experience too. It’s not helping.

Ten _ah_ ’s in understanding. “Hanging out with Baekhyun, huh?”

“Shut up.” Yukhei feels warm. “It’s been a week and I’m just _more_ confused.” Things had made so much more sense with Baekhyun in his lap and his mouth against Yukhei’s --now Yukhei has all these thoughts in his head he doesn’t know how to declutter. “What if I don’t like him? What if I idealised him in the moment and I’m tricking myself into being not-straight because I’m just confused and lonely and--”

“Woah Xuxi, slow down,” Ten consoles, coming over to pat Yukhei’s shoulder. “You are not designed for heavy thinking. You’re going to think yourself into a hole.”

“Do you think I don’t know that!” Yukhei shouts, only freaking out a little. Ten just pats more furiously.

"Just relax," Ten offers. "Seeing him again will help, right? You need multiple tests to confirm the hypothesis, so."

Trust a science student to say such nonsense. Yukhei pulls a face.

"I dunno what a hypotenuse is--"

"Hypothesis."

"Gesundheit.” Ten sighs. “But I guess you have a point." Yukhei droops a little. "Maybe it'll be easier when I see him again."

"Yeah!" Ten says optimistically. "That's the spirit!"

Seeing Baekhyun again does not help.

"Hi," Baekhyun says in the doorway, dressed in loose, comfortable clothes, his silver hair down and hanging just above his eyes. Yukhei wants to kiss him. So. Fucking. Bad. "You're here."

"Yes," Yukhei confirms like the idiot he is, voice unreasonably right. "I am here, at your apartment once again, in front of you."

Baekhyun looks amused, and asks, "Are you alright?" He presses a hand to Yukhei's forehead like he's checking for a fever even while pulling him in.

"Yes!" Yukhei squeaks, and scrambles to get Baekhyun's hand away from him. He may not have a fever, but Baekhyun makes him burn. What was it Ten said about seeing Baekhyun again making things easier? Yukhei feels some odd mix between horny and terrified he can't even form a proper sentence. "Pizza!"

Yukhei wants to facepalm, but he's so incapacitated by Baekhyun he can't even seem to manage muscle control.

"...I haven't ordered it yet," Baekhyun says. "I was waiting to see what you wanted?"

Baekhyun leads Yukhei to the couch and starts listing off flavours and yeah, this is fine, this much Yukhei can handle. He knows pizza, he knows what he likes, most of these flavours are fine by him, Yukhei is a pig.

He opens his mouth to say as much, but when he turns to face Baekhyun he sees him curled up on the edge of the couch still listing off flavours diligently with his cute little socked feet tucked under his thighs and Yukhei breaks all over again.

"I... pig," Yukhei states firmly.

Baekhyun pauses. Blinks.

"That's nice," he says, "my zodiac is a monkey. I'm also a Taurus. Can you please pick a topping?"

"I--" Yukhei withers. "Ghggfgf?"

"Are you well?" Baekhyun looks genuinely concerned, which makes Yukhei's insides feel like it's going through a mincer and being turned into little worms of ground meat. "I don't think you've been coherent yet."

“I’m trying!” Yukhei squeaks. “I love topping!! Topping _ssss_. Any toppings. I don’t care! Pizza!” Baekhyun looks more concerned with each passing syllable, and Yukhei panics. “Bathroom!”

Thank god he knows exactly where it is, and can race there to slam the door behind him and look at himself in the mirror with wide eyes. What the fuck is wrong with him? Is this gay panic? Or is it straight panic?

The more Yukhei stares at his reflection the more he can liken it to that meme of the russian lady with all the equations around her face. He’s just so confused, and Baekhyun is so hot, and Yukhei thinks he wants to bone him but is lost as to why he’s only working this out at twenty-four, and how the fuck he’s meant to do it.

A knock at the door pulls him from his attempt to solve the pythagoras theorem that is his life.

“Come in?” Yukhei offers, on instinct, then curses. “I mean wait fuck don’t do that, I’m uh-- peeing.”

Smooth.

Baekhyun’s soft laugh makes Yukhei warm, even through the door. “I couldn’t anyway, you locked it.”

Oh, right. It’s a bathroom.

Silence passes, then Baekhyun says, “Is everything okay? You seem kind of… distressed.”

“Everything’s fine,” Yukhei squeaks, voice tight. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

He can hear Baekhyun sigh as he deliberates, humming. “Well, we did hookup an hour after you had a sexuality crisis. And then I invited you over again.” Baekhyun laughs nervously. “I’m worried there might have been some miscommunication on my part.”

There’s silence, and Yukhei can hear Baekhyun’s back sliding along the door, his shadow pooling as he sits against it.

“I don’t… I didn’t ask you here to pressure you or anything. You know that, right?”

Yukhei blinks at Baekhyun’s shadow. He’s busy freaking out about how Baekhyun is hot and his dick is confused about it, while Baekhyun thinks this is somehow _his_ fault. What the fuck.

“Of course I know that,” Yukhei says, finally coherent in the face of comforting Baekhyun.

“Okay, good.” He can hear the relief in Baekhyun’s voice. “Finding out you’re not what you thought you should be is… a lot. I really just asked you over to have pizza and be friends.” The shadow grows a little smaller.

Something inside Yukhei shrivels, but he ignores the sensation, leaning to slide against the door, imagining he can feel Baekhyun’s warmth through the wood.

“Sorry,” Yukhei mumbles.

“What for?”

“Being a mess and making you be like… a gay parent.”

Baekhyun chuckles. “I don’t mind. I’m new to this too, y’know. It’s good not to feel alone.” More silence --a thousand words in a thousand languages swim to the forefront of Yukhei’s mind, but he’s left speechless. He supposes maybe not knowing where he and Baekhyun had stood contributed to his panic, and he can’t tell if he’s disappointed or relieved at Baekhyun so clearly drawing a line.

“A lot of my friends are either straight or know who they are,” Baekhyun continues. “I’m not there yet, and I guess I’m being presumptive but… it feels like you aren’t either.” His voice grows weak. “It’s nice.”

“Yeah,” Yukhei agrees. “It is.”

Feeling more subdued --and more like he can stomach how hot Baekhyun is without bursting brain cells-- Yukhei stands and opens the door, earning a sharp _eep_ as Baekhyun, who he’d forgotten was also sitting against it, falls back until his head is on the bathroom tile, looking up at Yukhei.

They stare at each other like that for a moment, an apology is on the tip of Yukhei’s tongue, but maybe he’d been lying to himself when he’d said he’d be okay to face Baekhyun’s blaring hotness again.

His hair is fanned out all around him, and his skin along his neck and jaw is a little flushed, maybe from embarrassment. His black eyes sparkle under the fluorescent bathroom lights and Yukhei wonders how to breathe as they just. Stare at each other.

“Pizza!” Baekhyun enthusiastically shouts, rocking up and beelining back to the living room. Yukhei just makes panicked eye contact with his reflection one last time and then follows after him.

With the air cleared a little, Yukhei feels a weight off his shoulder shift to move inside his gut instead. It’s relieving that Baekhyun doesn’t expect them to like, do anything, because Yukhei is still so confused about all that --but it also sucks, because kissing Baekhyun felt really, really good.

Which leaves Yukhei even more confused and honestly, at this point he’s wondering how much a brain will fetch on the black market, just to make it shut up (and earn a little extra cash).

“Did you want something to drink?” Baekhyun asks. “I bought juice.”

Why does that make Yukhei’s stomach flutter? Is that a side-effect of new-found homosexuality?

“Juice is good,” Yukhei offers, sitting on the couch and trying to curl himself up to be smaller than he feels whenever’s Baekhyun attention is focused on him.

“With or without alcohol?” Baekhyun asks, amused.

“Surprise me?”

“I think that falls under drugging someone,” Baekhyun retorts. Good point. “Let’s try to save your poor liver while it’s still young.”

A fair call. Baekhyun drinks coke without the whiskey and passes Yukhei his glass of OJ, who slurps at it repeatedly at a lack of anything to say. It’s pretty awkward, he’s not really sure what he’s doing here or what he’s meant to do. Should he just straight up get into gay talk or what?

Desperately racking his brain for answers, Yukhei spots the switch console docked under the TV.

“Soooooo,” he starts. “Do you have Mario Kart?”

Baekhyun’s eyes visibly darken. “Oh it’s fucking _on_.”

Baekhyun is so good at Mario Kart it's humiliating, but he's less good at it when Yukhei steals his controller and holds it far above his head so Baekhyun can't reach. It's so funny to watch short people suffer, but significantly less funny when Baekhyun tries to climb Yukhei to reach and yep, boner.

Yukhei tosses the controller back down at him and shrivels up into a ball on the couch with his knees to his chest. If Baekhyun recognises the obvious behaviour he doesn't point it out, and luckily the door buzzing with pizza is a significant enough distraction for Yukhei's dick to die down.

They move to the kitchen counter to plate up because Baekhyun has disposable income and can afford things like plates and dishwashers, and Yukhei notices a whole lot of food and alcohol stacked in the corner of the kitchen counter.

"Woah," he remarks. "How wild did you think tonight would get?"

"Hm?" Baekhyun follows his line of sight and snorts. "Oh, that's for tomorrow actually. I'm having a dumb housewarming thing." He rubs the back of his neck, which has turned pink in embarrassment. "I only recently moved here, remember? That's why it's kinda… empty."

Yukhei blinks, glancing around.

"I dunno, I thought you were doing that rich minimalist thing." Then again, it's severely lacking in any personal touches, now that he notices. Just empty space and sleek furniture, no photos or art or decorations. There's also those piles of cardboard boxes so… yeah. Yukhei isn't very observant, even less so if Baekhyun is around. He thinks he vaguely brought it up the first time he was here, but he’d been distracted by Baekhyun’s constant hotness and his tongue in his mouth.

"Not quite. We both agreed my ex could have the house, so." Baekhyun waves his hands. "You can come."

"What?" Yukhei blurts. Why did that make his boner come back? What is wrong with him?

"Tomorrow," Baekhyun elaborates, eyebrows furrowed. "If you want? It will be pretty boring because it's just a bunch of old people drinking wine and complaining, but--"

"Uh, sure?" Yukhei offers. Baekhyun looks so sheepish it's adorable, and it's not like Yukhei needs much of an excuse to see him again. Baekhyun could ask him to come over just to make Yukhei eat food out of the dumpster and he'd probably agree. "That sounds fun."

Baekhyun's resulting smile makes Yukhei want to defenestrate himself, which is fine. His mouth gets all big and shows off his pretty teeth and his eyes sparkle and Yukhei wonders if this will be how he dies.

"Okay, great. You can come over like seven-ish, don't worry about bringing anything I'm handling all the big boy stuff, like buying alcohol and ordering a lot of take-away." Baekhyun's eyes dart between Yukhei and the pizza nervously. "It's not-- don't feel like you have to come or anything. It's um, a pretty whatever event. You can bring a friend or two if you want."

Yukhei's only friends on hand are his coworkers or Ten. Thinking of having either of them near Baekhyun makes him grimace.

"Honestly I'd rather bring no one," he admits with a shrug. Yukhei has never been an awkward person, or someone who struggles making friends, so rocking up to an event where he doesn't know anyone really isn't that daunting.

"Oh." Baekhyun's face flashes through so many emotions. "It's because it's awkward, isn't it? I shouldn't invite you to so many things I'm really clingy--"

"Woah." Yukhei puts both hands on Baekhyun's shoulders to steady him. "Going way too fast there, man." Baekhyun looks up at him like that emoji with the big eyes Ten uses so much, and Yukhei short-circuits.

Luckily he's starting to get used to that, doing a quick reboot of his useless, useless brain. He's seriously going to look into a lobotomy one of these days.

"My friends are kinda…" Yukhei thinks about the word he wants while his brain filters through multiple languages to find the right one. "Humiliating. It's got nothing to do with you, really. I love hanging out with you."

Baekhyun gives a hesitant, but amused, smile.

"We've only done it like, twice. One-and-a-half times, really."

"And?" Yukhei tilts his head, confused.

"I--" Baekhyun falters, and a pleased smile spreads across his face. He shakes his head. "Nothing, I guess it doesn't matter." He looks up at Yukhei with the fond, sparkly crescent-eyes that make Yukhei feel like doing something crazy, like running a marathon or swallowing a sword, all this pent-up energy bottled inside him. "You're a really honest person, aren't you?'

The suddenness of it catches Yukhei off-guard.

"I mean… I guess? I try to be?" He fiddles with the piercings in his ear, embarrassed. "Dishonesty hurts people, and I don't want to do that." He fidgets. "...Why? Is it a bad thing?"

"Of course not." Baekhyun places a hand on Yukhei's bicep, though he draws it back since Yukhei stares at it too hard, his skin burning even under his sweater. "It's just… I don’t know. Refreshing? Nevermind.” He takes his plate of pizza back to the living room. “Let me kick your ass on rainbow road.”

Baekhyun doesn’t kick his ass on rainbow road, because on 150cc they just both end up suffering severely and decide to quit in favour of eating more pizza. Baekhyun offers to watch something together, and has the fancy Netflix that’s like, on his big fancy TV rather than playing out of a shitty laptop with broken speakers. It’s incredible, even when they decide on a movie that Yukhei struggles to focus on with Baekhyun on the other end of the couch. He’s kinda lucked out in the rich friend department.

All-in-all, it really does feel like Yukhei just came over to a friend’s house to eat pizza and clear the air, and by the time the night is winding down he feels relieved. He’s still not really sure what he’s meant to do with all the attraction to Baekhyun bottled inside him, but at least it’s subdued. Baekhyun offers to drive him home but Yukhei insists it’s unnecessary since it’s not too late and he’s sober, then promises to see him again tomorrow, a reminder which makes Baekhyun grin sunnily and Yukhei’s stomach makes pancakes out of itself, flipping around like Bruce Lee.

It doesn’t stop the entire train home, and continues even when he swings open the door to the shitty shared flat and sees Ten sitting on the couch with a bowl of hot cheetos like he’d never moved.

“Being gay kinda sucks,” Yukhei declares.

It attests to their friendship that Ten doesn’t question that either.

“Tell me about it.”

Yukhei sleeps in the next day as a week of work catches up to him, then gets up and panics.

“What do you bring to a housewarming?” he asks Ten as he stumbles out of his bedroom.

“Morning to you too,” Ten replies dryly.

“I don’t have time for this!” Yukhei declares. “I meant to be at Baekhyun’s in--” he checks the clock. “Seven hours!!! Help!!!”

Ten snorts, then puts two hands on Yukhei’s shoulders from behind and forces him onto one of the fold-out chairs they put next to a table they found on the street that constitutes as their dining table.

“Relax, Xuxi,” he says. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Baekhyun,” Yukhei blurts. “He invited me to a housewarming thing-y tonight. You’re meant to give gifts at those, right? I feel like I should give gifts. But he said not to bring anything and also he’s really hot and rich and hot--

“You just said hot twice.”

“--and successful so I don’t know what I can give him that’s like cool and sexy of me but not too tryhard or--”

“Oh my GOD.” Ten puts two hands firmly over Yukhei’s mouth. “Can you go back to thinking you’re straight? This is terrible. Men over six-feet should never experience gay panic, too much of it can fit inside you.”

Yukhei wilts.

“Just give wine or alcohol or something.”

Yukhei shakes his head, pushing Ten’s hands away.

“I want it to be more meaningful than that. It’s a housewarming! It should be for the home!!!”

Ten’s face contorts. “I have a couple of succulent cuttings that I’ve propagated, you can take one of those I guess.”

That makes Yukhei perk up.

“Wow, really? Thanks man!” Yukhei bumbles over to the windowsill that Ten has lined with small terracotta pots. He picks out one of the significantly larger ones, holding it up for Ten to give an affirmative nod before grinning at it. “I’m so glad you’re a cottagecore lesbian.”

Ten squints. “How do you even know what that is?”

“Yuqi.”

“Should’ve known.” He sighs. “I can’t believe we thought you were straight.”

“Hey if there’s cottagecore lesbians and like, softball lesbians,” Yukhei muses, “what’s the equivalent of…” Crap, this labelling stuff makes Yukhei dizzy. “...dudes who want to fuck dudes?”

“You only want to fuck one dude,” Ten points out. Touche. “And I have no idea.” He pauses in thought. “Bottoms and tops?”

“That’s boring.”

“Not as boring as being straight.” Crap, another touche. “Now c’mon, I’m not letting one of my babies die at the hand of your thirst. It’s time you learn plant aftercare.”

Geared up with an encyclopedia’s knowledge of caring for succulents, Yukhei nestles the small pot against his chest with tenderness the entire train ride to Baekhyun’s place. He has to be careful against its sharp pricks, because it _is_ a crown of thorns, but that’s part of Prickle’s charms.

Okay so maybe he named the damn thing, he couldn’t help it. It’s kind of cute.

Getting to Baekhyun’s is almost familiar by now, which is impressive considering they’ve known each other for a week, but Yukhei already feels like a dog making its way home to its owner.

He’s dressed impeccably according to Ten’s praise --which had earned more comments of how they could have ever thought Yukhei was straight when he dresses so well-- but still feels out of place when Baekhyun buzzes him up the elevator and he knocks on the door.

“Hi,” Baekhyun greets with a smile. Tonight, his silver hair is pushed off his forehead in stylish waves, and his outfit is significantly higher-effort. A shirt with various cursive words printed over it and a well-fitted streetwear jacket on top, along with a pair of black denim jeans that look way too fucking tight. Yukhei’s eyes feel like they’re bulging out of his head as they zoom in onto Baekhyun’s thighs. “Deja vu, huh?”

“Huh?” He snaps his gaze back up. “Oh uh. Yeah. Hi. Again. Me, Yukhei. Here.”

Baekhyun laughs softly. “Eloquent as always.” He stands aside to let Yukhei walk through and kick off his shoes. “Right on time though. What’s that?”

He points to the tiny pot bundled in Yukhei’s arms.

“Oh, uh, I know you said not to bring anything, but--” he thrusts it out. “Your apartment needs some less minimalist stuff, right?”

Baekhyun looks bashful for a moment before gently prying the pot from Yukhei’s fingers.

“You didn’t have to,” he says, but he looks pleased, which makes Yukhei’s whole body go HELL FUCKING YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH. He could seriously jump out the window right now and land on his feet in one piece, he’s sure of it. “What type of plant is it?”

“A crown of thorns,” Yukhei recites. “Make sure to water it about once a week and that the water drains out the holes at the bottom ‘cuz any more and it might suffer root rot it needs a lot of sunlight so put it by the window but rotate it around so that it gets even coverage across its leaves and it’s meant to bloom like most of the years once it’s grown a little bigger if you take proper care of it so yeah it’s really easy to care for don’t worry about it.” Baekhyun blinks. “Also I named it Prickles.” They stare at each other. “I… don’t know why I told you that. It doesn’t matter. It’s a plant. Haha.”

Baekhyun just looks up at Yukhei before he laughs, reaching out to pinch his ear.

“You are so cute,” he says, and Yukhei doesn’t know if that’s cute in the _I still wanna bone you_ way or not, and whether he should be upset about it when he feels like if he had a tail it’d be wagging. He likes being cute, he’s six-three and well-built and it feels like he never gets to be called cute because he has a strong jawline and broad shoulders, but Baekhyun says it and Yukhei thinks, _hehe, I’m cute_. “I’ll be sure to water it properly. And rotate it.”

“And clean it!” Yukhei adds. “Bugs and dust bad.”

“And clean it,” Baekhyun adds slyly, lips upturned. “Thank you, Yukhei. I’ll take good care of Prickles.”

Yukhei preens.

Baekhyun leads him inside to meet ‘the others’ who are grouped up in the living room that Yukhei eyes curiously, though Baekhyun places the pot plant on the windowsill above the kitchen sink before asking Yukhei what he’d like to drink.

“I’ve got wine and beer that you probably don’t want,” he says, amused. The fact that he’s paid attention to Yukhei’s tastes makes Yukhei feel funny. “I’ve still got some juice if you want that on its own or with something mixed, but I um--” he rubs the back of his neck in that sheepish way Yukhei is coming to recognise. “--I tried making sangria? It’s a little sweeter, maybe you’d like it.”

Intelligently, Yukhei says, “Sangria is kinda gay.”

“...I suppose it is,” Baekhyun relents with a shrug. “Fruity boy that I am. Was that a homophobic statement?”

“What? No!” Yukhei defends. “I mean I uh-- you’re like. Embracing it! That’s really good, right?”

“I’m teasing.” Baekhyun opens the fridge and pulls out a jug filled with fruit and a dark red liquid before kicking it shut. “Was that a no, though? I made it with you in mind.”

“You… made it for me?”

“Yeah?” Baekhyun gives Yukhei a quizzical look. “Drinking spirits in OJ is pretty boring, I thought you’d like something more special, especially since you came all this way for me twice in one weekend. I like trying new things, so.”

“Then it’s a yes.” Yukhei nods. “Please.”

Baekhyun’s smile makes him feel like putty, as he reaches out for two wine glasses from an overhead cupboard and pours it out into that before leaving the jug back in the fridge. It has the tartiness of wine but most of it is overpowered by the sweet taste of fruit and sugar. Yukhei likes it a lot, though skulling it all in one go is really hard, he manages.

“I--” Baekhyun stares at him in disbelief. “Yukhei, you’re not meant to _chug_ it.”

“What?” Yukhei straightens up in embarrassment. “I thought that’s how you drink all fancy things!?”

Baekhyun laughs so hard he doubles over, wheezing, before returning to get the jug and topping up Yukhei’s glass.

“Ridiculous,” he comments with another ear pinch. “Now let’s go meet my friends.”

Baekhyun has a _lot_ of friends, something that Yukhei finds unsurprising, and even more seem to trickle in mid-introductions as Baekhyun has to keep excusing himself to answer the intercom and open the door. It’s a lot of names and faces all at once and Yukhei has the memory of a goldfish on a good day, but most of them seem to be around Baekhyun’s age or older, dressed in things like slacks and button-ups. It makes Yukhei feel a little out of place in jeans and a sweater and some beat up sneakers he’s had for way too long.

Usually Yukhei is someone that eagerly laps up attention, but here he somehow feels small and intimidated as one of Baekhyun’s coworkers, Heechul, makes a joke about Microsoft Excel Yukhei doesn’t get. Is microsoft excel meant to be funny? He’s probably over thinking things, but everyone here seems to have a degree and a masters or a PhD if not all of the above and have the sort of job Yukhei doesn’t even know exists but must get paid a lot because it has the title _consultant_ in it. A lot of them are married and well put-together and Yukhei isn’t usually self-conscious about these things but he feels like a sore thumb.

He retreats to the kitchen for a breath of fresh air and a refill of sangria, taking a moment’s reprieve. He hates it. He can make small talk and laugh when appropriate, but for the most part Yukhei doesn’t know what to say or how to act, and he keeps looking for Baekhyun throughout the apartment but he’s always occupied talking to someone else about something or other and Yukhei doesn’t want to butt in and be clingy.

He spots Prickles still on the kitchen windowsill, and strokes one of its spongy green leaves, like maybe he can draw strength from it to feel like more of an adult.

He’s unsure whether it works.

Returning to the people outside, Yukhei finds himself involved in a conversation that makes him dizzy as two men argue about… something.

“I’m telling you, when interest rates are low the costs of houses go up so it simply makes sense to _build_ instead of buy with the loan.”

“But that makes no sense! You still need a land loan _and_ building costs, without a house there’s no leverage for the mortgage so it makes things ten times more difficult regardless of interest rates--” He turns to Yukhei. “What do you think?”

Yukhei blinks. “Huh?”

“What makes more sense to you? Please tell me I’m right.”

“Oh. Um.” Yukhei clears his throat, gulping down a mouthful of Sangria. “That’s uh--”

“There you are!” A cheery voice interjects and grabs Yukhei by the shoulder. “We’ve been looking for you _everywhere_.” It’s a short guy with curly dark hair and surprising strength for such tiny hands. “Excuse us,” he says to the two men, “it’s a dire emergency.”

Yukhei is pulled away by the tiny guy before he can make any sense of it, relieved to be saved but a tad confused. He’s pushed out onto the balcony where the chatter is drowned out by the glass door sliding shut and the tiny guy easily deposits himself on one of the outdoor chairs.

“Hoo, close call,” he says. There’s another guy closer to Yukhei’s height at the table, huddled next to a still-smoking ash tray. “You looked like you were about to combust, kid.”

“Uh. Thanks?” Yukhei offers. “...Who are you?”

“I’m Jongdae,” his rescuer offers, beginning to sprinkle tobacco into some rolling paper. “And you’re the straight kid from the club Baekhyun hooked up with.”

Yukhei splutters.

“You’re horrible,” the taller guy says with a snort as he punches Jongdae’s shoulder.

“You were there?” Yukhei squeaks.

“What, you think Baekhyun went alone?” Jongdae counters, amused. “He’s a sad old man but he’s not _that_ sad.” He puts the rollie between his lips and ignites it with a lighter he pulls from his jacket pocket, his words now muffled behind clenched teeth. “We warned him that you were straight but he was too busy drooling to listen, but look at us now. Ten bucks less rich than we were before.”

“Ignore him, he’s an asshole,” the tallest says, sticking out a hand. “I’m Chanyeol. We could only watch you fumble around in heterosexualville over there for so long before we took pity.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Yukhei feels awkward so he slowly lowers himself into a seat while returning the gesture. At least these two seem more interesting than talking about… whatever the fuck everyone inside talks about. “I’m Yukhei and uh… kinda new to leaving it.”

“Oh we heard.” Chanyeol grins. “Either way, Baekhyun likes you way too much to subject you to his stuffy friends. I can’t believe he didn’t introduce us when we arrived.”

“So it’s not just me. Everyone in there is really really boring, right?” Yukhei asks, hopeful.

They both laugh. “Oh definitely.” Jongdae exhales in a cloud of smoke. “You can take the man out of the suburban gentrified lifestyle, but you can’t take the suburban gentrified lifestyle out of the man.”

Feeling more at ease, Yukhei relaxes into his seat.

“So how come you guys are so…” He gestures vaguely to Jongdae’s torn denim rocker aesthetic, littered with tattoos up to his jaw and piercings adorning his ears, eyebrows, and nose. Chanyeol is dressed a little more reservedly in a neat sweater and plaid pants, but there’s something shimmering and sparkly smeared over his eyelids, a fat choker around his neck, and a septum piercing hanging from his nose.

“Cool?” Jongdae offers with a grin. “We’re from the much more fortunate post coming-out phase of Baekhyun’s life.” He jerks a thumb towards the balcony door. “Everyone in there are the leftovers from when he thought he was good little straight boy.”

Safe to say Yukhei doesn’t feel the need to ask why they were at a gay club, it feels obvious at this point.

“How did you meet?” he asks, curious. The brave Baekhyun that had hit on him at the club is an easy image to mesh with Jongdae’s sharp edges and Chanyeol’s rounded ones, but the stuffy guy that earns way too much money with a fancy car and friends who wear button-ups is harder to place alongside them.

Jongdae puffs up proudly. “I’m the reason Baekhyun’s gay.”

“...Huh?”

“Oh my god shut _up_.” Chanyeol whacks Jongdae as he cackles. “We worked at the same bar when Baekhyun was at uni,” he explains. “But then _somebody_ made out with him and ruined the friend group.”

“A point of pride even now.” Jongdae exhales smoke in a long, slow breath. “Naturally, closeted little boy that he was, Baekhyun cut me and everyone who knew me off like that.” He snaps his fingers. “So imagine my surprise ten years later when he’s messaging me on Facebook for a coffee and a chat.”

Jongdae waves his hands as he continues. “I guess it’s not all my story to tell, but it’s safe to say gay little Baekhyun needed some gay little help, and we were all he could think of.”

“We’ve been doing our best tutelage,” Chanyeol adds, “but he’s got a lot of shit to sort through.”

Yukhei nods; he’s noticed as much, and it does nothing to help his own crisis. Baekhyun has so many issues about it it’s like Yukhei feels bad that he… doesn’t. He just wants to kiss Baekhyun. Simple enough.

“So how did you guys know you were gay?” he asks, feeling like it’s his question of the week. He leans forward in his seat eagerly. “I’m new to this. I could use the tutoring too.”

“So we heard.” Jongdae snorts. He’s reached the end of his dart, and extinguishes it by grinding it into the ash tray. He gestures for Chanyeol to answer.

“I’ve always known,” he says with a shrug. “When I was three I’d sneak into my mum’s room to wear her high heels, like. Kinda a dead giveaway.”

“For me it’s a little harder since I’m bi,” Jongdae divulges. “I just found a lot of people attractive all the time. It wasn’t until after high school I realised not everyone feels that way.” He snorts. “It’s a stupid story, really. Chanyeol talked about one of our customers being super hot and I called him blind and he argued how a straight person wouldn’t really know and… yeah.” He shrugs. “Chanyeol ended up telling me that finding men attractive wasn’t something straight people do, and then I kissed Baekhyun. Easy enough to work out I liked it just as much as hooking up with girls.”

So that’s the closest to Yukhei’s experience he’s heard yet. Huh. He slumps back in his seat, processing. It even includes making out with Baekhyun as an eye-opener. He wonders if that’s like, Baekhyun’s superpower.

“I’d ask you the same question, kid, but I guess we already know.” Jongdae’s smug smile earns another chastising whack from Chanyeol, but honestly Yukhei is far more envious than perturbed. These guys are so cool, what the fuck.

Jongdae does end up asking more about Yukhei beyond his failed hook-up, however, and they chat amicably. Yukhei talks about being a mechanic and basketball, bonding over both with Chanyeol, while Jongdae talks about the bar he owns and how Yukhei should come visit sometime. It’s an obvious point of pride that lights Jongdae up as he talks about it, and the soft, fond expression on Chanyeol’s face makes Yukhei think that they may be good friends with Baekhyun, but he doubts that’s what they are with each other.

It makes him envious. Yukhei wants a tiny cute boyfriend to look fondly at --and he has a particular person in mind.

“There you are.” Speak of the devil and all that; Baekhyun slides the balcony door shut behind him. “Avoiding the fun, huh?”

“More like avoiding the boring.” Jongdae flicks a chunk of ash at Baekhyun, though it falls to the ground pathetically, not even close. “Your friends suck.”

“They do not!” Baekhyun argues. Jongdae, Yukhei, and Chanyeol all look at him, impassive. “They’re just… a little… um…”

“Boring?” Yukhei offers. Baekhyun pouts.

“Okay fine, heterosexuals have no personality.” He takes the last empty chair at the table, right next to Yukhei. “You win.” He makes grabby hands for the cigarette Jongdae is rolling; he scowls but tosses it and the lighter across.

“You smoke?” Yukhei asks. So he _does_ have flaws.

“Only recreationally,” Baekhyun grumbles.

“When he’s feeling stressed from playing perfect,” Chanyeol corrects with a smile. “No Seulgi tonight? Seems like you could’ve used the back-up.

Baekhyun exhales in a rush. “No,” he drawls, “for some reason after leading her on for five years and breaking her heart she wants some space.”

“...Fair,” Chanyeol relents, sweeping up some of the stray ash on the table into little piles and moving it into the ashtray. “Amazed she wants anything to do with you at all, really.”

“Yeah well, she’s too good to me even after all this.” Baekhyun’s expression is heavier and more guarded than Yukhei is used to, prompting him to reach out and squeeze Baekhyun’s knee under the table. Instantly, he softens, his hand over Yukhei’s as he squeezes back. “No Junmyeon either?”

“Performance tonight, I’m sure he’s bummed about missing the…” Jongdae hesitates. “...Thrilling festivities.”

Baekhyun laughs. “If you hate it so much then leave. I’m not chaining you up here.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m just getting to know Yukhei.” Jongdae slaps Yukhei on the shoulder with enough force he lurches forward a little. “The elusive fuckboy of Baekhyun’s legendary first post coming-out hook-up.”

“I’m not a fuckboy,” Yukhei whines. “It’s an aesthetic choice.”

“He’s way too soft to be a fuckboy,” Baekhyun agrees, his fingers tracing swirls over Yukhei’s knuckles. He has a mole on his thumb Yukhei never noticed before, it’s cute. Touching Baekhyun is so easy Yukhei forgets it isn’t meant to be. “A good egg.”

The patronising tone of that statement makes Yukhei’s face contort briefly, a movement Jongdae must catch because he looks at Yukhei and bursts into sharp laughter while Chanyeol sighs, exasperated.

“Speaking of Junmyeon though,” he starts, ignoring Jongdae’s wheezing noises of death. “You two should come see his new show, it’s really good!”

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees as he wipes tears out of his eyes, finally stopping. “Not to play proud parents, but it’s good fun.”

“What kind of show is it?” Yukhei asks, tilting his head.

“Drag,” Baekhyun supplies for him, sheepish. “So it might be a bit much for you…”

“Why?” Yukhei blinks in confusion. “I’ve never been to a drag show before, it sounds fun!”

Baekhyun looks at him for a long moment.

“You know drag is like, drag queens. Men having female personas? Not drag racing with cars.” Yukhei nods.

“I know that.” He frowns; how dumb does Baekhyun think he is? He lives with a gay man and his best friend is a lesbian for goodness’ sake. “It’d be fun.”

“I--” Baekhyun falters for a moment, mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Aren’t you… sick of me yet?”

“No. Why would I be?”

Baekhyun is speechless, though Jongdae’s loud clap breaks through the silence.

“Then it’s settled! You guys can come next weekend!”

Chanyeol laughs. “Junmyeon will be happy to have the support.”

The conversation derails from there, with Jongdae and Chanyeol all too happy to reenact humiliating stories of university Baekhyun, who seems like such a mess compared to his current self. Yukhei learns so much about him; how he got a job at his parents’ tech company, how he used that experience to get a better one when he came out and quit, how he used to be a mess and once nearly got arrested for being confused by vague, obscure bougie gender signs and entering the women’s restroom. It’s endearing and adorable and even more than that, it’s nice just to see Baekhyun flustered by somebody else. Yukhei spends so much of his time feeling like he’s always at a loss compared to Baekhyun, it’s good to see him lose too.

They go inside only to leave the cold and get some food, and eventually sit around on the couch finishing sangria until Yukhei is pleasantly tipsy and sated, and most of other Baekhyun’s guests have departed. Even Chanyeol and Jongdae say that they want to head home, though not before exchanging numbers with Yukhei and making him promise again to come to this elusive Junmyeon’s drag show. He does so with a laugh and enthusiasm, not the slightest bit reluctant, and accepts hugs from both of them as they leave.

Then it’s just Baekhyun and Yukhei alone, again.

“They were really cool,” Yukhei blurts, at a lack of what else to say.

“I’m glad you like them.” Baekhyun smiles, soft and a little tired. “I know some of my friends are harder to get along with, but Chanyeol and Jongdae are really important to me, so it means a lot to me that you like them too. And that they like you.”

“They’re awesome,” Yukhei reassures. “Way cooler than my friends. My friends suck.” Except Yuqi, but she’s stuck in another state studying medicine to save people’s lives or whatever, so there’s no chance of her meeting Baekhyun anytime soon. Thank god.

Baekhyun softens, and so much swims across his face in one expression it’s like Yukhei can’t make sense of it.

“I’m just glad you liked the sangria,” is all Baekhyun decides on, a soft, pleased smile across his chin. “C’mon. I’ll drive you home--” Yukhei opens his mouth. “--no buts.”

Even the drive home in Baekhyun’s car feels familiar; that same, calming music making Yukhei’s tipsy mind feel lulled and sleepy. The angsty singer croons about a love who doesn’t return his feelings, and Yukhei resists the urge to shove his head through the passenger window. Baekhyun’s hand is resting on his thigh as he drives and his fingers keep doing that thing where they dip into the rips in Yukhei’s jeans and it makes Yukhei fuzzy and nauseous all at once. So much of him just wants to bunch Baekhyun’s stupid word-covered silk shirt into his hands and kiss him over the console, but that would probably make the car crash and kill them, so he won’t. Baekhyun had also said he’s only looking to be friends with Yukhei, and after everything tonight, Yukhei understands just how important it is that he respects that.

Being gay, as new as it is to Yukhei, really, _really_ sucks.

But Baekhyun lives with a foot in two worlds, something tonight illustrated clearly. Part of him will always belong to the world of slacks and button-ups and _normalcy_ , while part of him will always be called to ripped jeans and drag queens. He’s in the midst of a divorce and a major life change and he doesn’t… need Yukhei in all that, wanting to hold his hand and work out his own sexuality crisis. Yukhei sees that now --Baekhyun needs time for himself, and that’s okay.

Yukhei’s not patient about a lot of things, but he can wait.

Baekhyun pulls up to the curb, and Yukhei lets out a long breath, his hand fiddling atop Baekhyun’s, still digging into his jean tears.

“So… next weekend?” Baekhyun prompts. “Don’t make me go alone to a drag show. Us gay babies gotta stick together, right?”

And there’s more of the reason why Yukhei’s feelings aren’t important right now. Baekhyun is surrounded by so many people and he’s still just so…

Lonely.

“Of course.” Yukhei offers a tired smile. “I’ll text you.”

It doesn’t even occur to Yukhei that once he’s inside his flat being force fed water by Ten and tracing the edges of his own jean seams in absent thought that he never got his hat back.

“How was your weekend, man?”

“Alright,” Yukhei answers with a shrug as he buttons up his overalls. “Spent time with that uh, dude from the club.”

“The one that made you realise you’re gay?” Mark asks; Yukhei nods. “Danggggg. How’d that go?”

“...Still feeling pretty gay,” Yukhei relents. Baekhyun’s boxy smiles and hands down his pants had done nothing for the strong urge to kiss him senseless. “But more in control of it, I guess? Less panic ‘n stuff.”

“That’s good bro,” Mark commends. “Learning to accept yourself. You still don’t wanna fuck me though?” Yukhei shakes his head, and Mark clicks his tongue. “Dang. I’m really not enough for you, huh?”

“Sorry…?” Yukhei offers. “It really is just the one guy.” Yukhei’s been trying to see if he wants to fuck other people, but it’s just not working. Even Jongdae in all his tiny outrageous hotness had left him more with a sense of envy than any kind of desperate lust. It’s been confusing. He’s never felt the need to pull apart his own sexuality before, and it makes him question a lot. Even the way he feels towards women confuses him now, though that’s mixed in with guilty feelings about objectifying them. Maybe he should just become abstinent and join a monastery. He’d look good with a shaved head, right?

He’s about to ask Mark as much, but his phone buzzes in his back pocket and distracts him. It’s Baekhyun, sending him a cute video of a dog diving into piles of leaves and then sneezing. It makes Yukhei coo aloud, then send back plenty of enthusiastic emojis to let Baekhyun know he liked it.

Each time his phone buzzes for the rest of the day, Yukhei smiles.

Friday night can’t come fast enough. Texting Baekhyun throughout the week only makes Yukhei impatient to see him again, solid signs of a well-formed crush. He can’t help it. Baekhyun is cute and funny and they have so much in common, Yukhei knows he’s gotten into this way too fast but that’s just what he does. He’s impatient and passionate and if he enjoys something, why bother stopping?

He races home from work to shower off the oil and grease, and tugs his favourite hoodie overhead just as his phone chimes with a video call request from Yuqi.

“Wassup?” he asks with his face still poking through the neck hole.

“Is this a bad time?” she asks, brushing back her bangs. “Going somewhere?”

“What? No. Maybe. Why do you think that?”

“You’re wearing your date hoodie,” she points out, “the one you always wear so that the girl you like can wear it after.”

“I--” Yukhei pauses, staring into space for a moment. “I do that?”

“Um, yeah. You even wore it with me on The Night We Don’t Talk About.”

Yukhei holds up his hands. “Please don’t.” In hindsight, he has _way_ too many nights he shouldn’t talk about with his friends. He cringes at the thought. “And I’m just uh, going out for drinks with some friends.”

“Oh? Which ones?”

“New ones,” Yukhei answers, “it’s a long story.”

“I got time, I’m procrastinating studying for this test.” She taps a pen on the text book underneath where she’s propped up her phone. “Do tell. Unless _you’re_ in a rush.”

“No, I um--” Yukhei lets out a long breath and runs a hand through his hair. “I went to a gay club with Ten for moral support and got hit on but I was way more into it than I thought I’d be so I hooked up with a dude except he wanted someone more experienced so we decided to just be friends so I’m hanging out with him and some of his friends.”

“...Alright,” Yuqi says. “Cool.”

“Cool?” Yukhei blinks. “That’s it? Why does me being gay never surprise anyone?”

“I feel like surprise just reeks of homophobia,” Yuqi muses, twirling the pen in her fingers. “Plus, you were always a little _too_ politically correct.”

“That’s what Ten said too!”

“Do you want me to be surprised?” Yuqi counters. “You don’t seem shocked yourself.”

“I… I’m working on it,” Yukhei relents. “I dunno, I’m still confused man.”

“Confused how?” Yuqi tilts her head.

“It’s like I’m having a crisis about not having a crisis?” Yukhei offers, face scrunching. He takes his phone and plops down onto the bed. “I dunno. This dude, Baekhyun, when he realised he was a gay it was a whole big thing. He had to get divorced and cut off his family and come to terms with all this stuff…” He trails off, swallowing. “Meanwhile I made out with him once and was like, well this is a thing now I guess.”

Yuqi hums in consideration, still spinning her pen over her knuckles like a fuckboy. Softball lesbians, honestly.

“You can’t compare your situation to other people,” she offers. “How you feel should make sense to you, Xuxi, and it kinda does.” She shrugs. “I mean, you’re always someone who knows what you want, even if takes you a while to realise you want it. Once you know, it’s straightforward from there. Complication doesn’t suit you.”

Yukhei considers this, and realises she’s right. He always hated school, so when he didn’t want to do it anymore, he quit. He wanted to become a mechanic, so he did. He wanted to kiss Baekhyun, so he did.

“Does that make me dumb?” he asks, sitting up in bed. “I feel like I’m just realising I never think things through.”

“You don’t,” Yuqi answers. Ouch. “But that’s not a bad thing, Xuxi, it just makes you…” She mulls her words, mouth twisted. “Straightforward. Honest.”

“Honest,” Yukhei repeats. “Huh.” He stares into the distance, before remembering himself and Yuqi’s numerous lectures on how women should never be used as men’s emotional holes. “But what about you? How’s school?”

Yuqi groans and complains about a classmate she hates for always beating her during pop quizzes, as well as the workload, and Yukhei listens diligently. It makes him miss having her in person, excited for end of semester break when she’ll fly back home to visit.

As refreshing as it is to talk to his best friend after days of radio silence no thanks to evil tests and a lack of compatible schedules, he’s wary of the time. Yuqi senses it and eventually lets him go, telling him to have fun with _Baekhyun_ and not get hurt. It’s such an odd warning, but before Yukhei can even ask what she means by that she’s hung up and he’s left staring at her display picture of Sailor Uranus.

His phone chimes with a text from Baekhyun saying he’s outside, but Yukhei still isn’t ready, so he asks Baekhyun to give him five minutes. Baekhyun’s next text is whiny and cute as he says it’s cold so he’ll just wait inside.

The knock at the door humiliates Yukhei, because his apartment is the size of Baekhyun’s broom closet and twice as messy. Half their furniture is secondhand or fold-out, and it’s littered with messy decorations from Yukhei’s gaming posters to Ten’s ridiculous amount of succulents.

“Hi, um, come in.” Yukhei steps to one side. “Don’t judge me, please.”

“Why would I judge y--” Baekhyun cuts off as he looks in at the apartment, silent.

“I said don’t judge!”

“I’m not judging I promise!!” Baekhyun defends, laughing as Yukhei buries his face in his hands in shame. “I’m just… reminded you’re young.”

Yukhei could mumble something about him not getting a high paying job because of his parents right out the gate, but it feels like a low blow.

“Xuxi, who--” Ten walks into the main room (it’s the _only_ room other than the two bedrooms and the bathroom) just as Yukhei and Baekhyun do, pausing as he takes him in. “Oh hi, it’s the twink.”

“Twink?” Baekhyun repeats, face scrunched up. He turns to Yukhei. “Xuxi?”

“It’s my mandarin name,” he supplies.

“Oh.” Baekhyun blinks. “It’s cute.” He turns back to Ten. “But I’m not gonna stand being called a twink by you.”

“Fair. I’m Ten.” Ten offers a smile. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“You too…” Baekhyun pauses for a moment. “You were at the club that night, weren’t you?”

“Sure was. You can thank me for being your cupid.”

Baekhyun snorts as Yukhei glares at Ten, who ignores it like the smug bastard he is. They seem happy to chat and get to know each other, so Yukhei mumbles about getting ready because the sooner he can leave the sooner he can stop that catastrophe from happening.

It’s changing all his piercings from silver studs to gold rings that takes the most time, but as soon as it’s done he rushes out of his bedroom and tugs Baekhyun away mid-conversation about Ten’s PhD to the door.

“K thanks Ten bye!” Yukhei calls as Baekhyun offers a similar farewell until the door slam shuts behind him.

“Why are you so embarrassed about your friends? He was nice!” They make their way down the stairwell.

“He called you a twink before he introduced himself.” Wordlessly, at the last few steps, Yukhei holds out a hand for Baekhyun to take, leaning on it to leap down the last few. “How is that not embarrassing?”

“I don’t know, it could be worse. Half my friends tried to talk to you about spreadsheets. At least he didn’t tell me about how you drunkenly made out in college one time.”

Yukhei gasps in offense. “He told you about The Night We Don’t Talk About?”

“What? No, I was talking about Jongdae.” Baekhyun looks up at Yukhei with a coy smile. “What are _you_ talking about?”

“Nothing!” Yukhei races over to Baekhyun’s car. “Can we leave these cursed grounds now?”

Baekhyun laughs but unlocks the car and obliges, asking about Yukhei’s week at work. It had been pretty decent, but nothing interesting had happened. Baekhyun’s week seems to have gone the same, though he managed a solo win in PUBG yesterday, which is far more noteworthy.

The bar the performance is at is called _Glass Half-Full_ , and is, naturally, a gay bar. According to Baekhyun, there’s only two in the whole city, something which astounds Yukhei compared to all the regular bars littered all over the place. There’s a cover fee of ten dollars which Baekhyun grabs before Yukhei can argue otherwise, and then they’re being lead into a cramped, packed bar filled with… a lot of women.

“I thought this was a gay bar?” Yukhei half shouts as he leans down to Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun laughs.

“It is, and that includes gay women,” he shouts back. “Also, women love drag, man.”

It makes sense, but doesn’t help Yukhei feel any less intimidated. Women keep glancing up at him and it makes Yukhei feel like he’s sticking out as an intrusion, like they can sense that he might be attracted to them and is invading a safe space.

That line of thinking is cut off by Baekhyun’s hand around his wrist, though, tugging him to the bar. He shouts something at the bartender Yukhei doesn’t catch as he leans over the countertop cutely, then rocks back onto his heels as he smiles up at Yukhei.

“It should start in a few minutes, we’re right on time.” He points towards the stage at the back of the bar. There’s nothing special on it other than a microphone and a thick, blue, velvety curtain. “Have you ever been here before?”

“Of course not,” Yukhei says, leaning against the bar in an attempt to be more nonchalant than he feels. “It’s invading a space, y’know?” Sure, he’d been invited by two gay dudes and is here with one, but he still can’t shake the feeling.

“Yukhei, that’s--” but Baekhyun doesn’t get a chance to finish, because the bartender is thrusting a gin and tonic and something orange and tall between them. Baekhyun passes the latter to Yukhei.

“What is this?” Yukhei asks. It’s sweet but tangy, he likes it.

“Tequila sunrise,” Baekhyun answers. “I thought you might like to try new drinks.”

He does, but the guilt of Baekhyun paying for it lingers in Yukhei’s mind. He knows cocktails aren’t cheap, especially at a bar. He opens his mouth to say as much, but Baekhyun shushes him, as the lights dim and an overhead announcement declares that the show is about to begin.

A drag show is… nothing like Yukhei had expected. He’s not really sure _what_ he’d expected beyond a man in a wig, but a man in a wig and an excellent costume lipsyncing to pop songs and dancing had not been it. There are other things mixed in --a little bit of stand-up, a skit where she walks into the crowd and interacts, some live-singing. It’s filled with variety and is super fun and entertaining, with Yukhei clapping like a buffoon ninety-five percent of the time. Junmyeon’s drag name is _Kim Chi_ , something Yukhei also finds brilliant, and it’s also how Baekhyun addresses her when she makes her way over to the bar.

“Well hello there handsome,” she says to Yukhei, placing a long, manicured hand on his shoulder. From this close the makeup is rougher and it’s easier to see that she’s a man in a costume, but the curves on her body and pretty face are no less confusing. “What brings you to a place like this?”

“Um…” Yukhei flusters as the microphone is angled towards him, the crowd cheering at his own embarrassment. “...Drag?”

“Oh well you won’t find any of that here, these are authentic.” She cups a hand over her fake breasts, making the audience laugh as they jiggle. She winks at Yukhei. “Everything about me is. Want proof?”

“Um…”

“Alright chill it Kim,” Baekhyun interrupts, though mostly in good jest as he pushes the queen back. They obviously know each other and are enjoying the fun. “He’s here with me.”

“Didn’t anyone in kindergarten ever teach you how to share? Here.” She takes one of Yukhei’s hands, and one of Baekhyun’s, and proceeds to deposit them on her chest. “Sharing is caring.”

The audience bursts into laughter while Yukhei just squishes, amazed to feel the rubbery material, but then Kim is whisking away into the audience to bother somebody else.

“Asshole,” Baekhyun mumbles behind the rim of his gin and tonic, though he’s smiling.

The show finishes up as Kim Chi bows and thanks everyone for attending, and Yukhei happily musters a ten dollar note out of his wallet to leave in her tip jar at the foot of the stage. They finish their drinks at the bar while reminiscing on their favourite moments, then Baekhyun tugs him away.

“C’mon,” he says with a grin. “We get special backstage access.”

There’s no bouncer waving them through or anything, just some unspoken agreement that people won’t go behind the stage. Baekhyun does anyway, and it leads to a cramped and cluttered dressing room, where a short man sits on the windowsill frowning at his phone and smoking a cigarette.

“Junmyeonnie!” Baekhyun calls as he races over with his arms outstretched. “So lonely back here!”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, though he’s smiling.

“Hi Baekhyun.” He extinguishes his cigarette on the windowsill and embraces him. “Glad you could make it.”

“No YeolDae?”

“They’ve seen it a million times, I think they’re sick of it.” Junmyeon waves it off, then looks up at Yukhei. “You must be Yukhei.”

“Hello,” Yukhei offers. Without the makeup on, Junmyeon seems a lot more quiet and reserved, his face soft though still handsome, his hair slicked back from being under a wig cap. He’s littered in tattoos that had been hidden by the body suit, and it makes him sharp and soft all at once, like a strange mix between Chanyeol and Jongdae. What’s their relationship, exactly? “You were amazing. I liked your boobies.”

“Thank you,” Junmyeon replies, “they liked you too.”

“Can I buy you a drink?” Baekhyun asks. “Since you’re Bruce Wayne instead of Batman.”

Junmyeon smiles wryly. “Sure.”

The bar is a little quieter now that the show is over, though the dancefloor is still going. Baekhyun orders a gin and tonic, a shiraz, and a sex on the beach. It’s delicious and definitely doesn’t make Yukhei fantasize about making out with Baekhyun on a beach or anything. How much tequila was in that sunrise?

There’s an outdoor area out the back that Junmyeon leads them to so he can smoke, and while Yukhei expects him to be stopped and asked for like, autographs or something, it appears nobody recognises him out of drag. Junmyeon says he only has time for one drink, so Yukhei tries his best not to butt in as he and Baekhyun clearly need some catching up, though when it comes to praising his performance Yukhei happily chimes in. Junmyeon is nothing like his drag persona, which only makes it all the more impressive, and when he says as much Junmyeon mentions his day job being a musical actor, so he’s glad to hear he’s got the acting part down pat.

Apparently Chanyeol had taught him how to do his make-up, and being in a theatre company helps him put together his costuming. He’d even met Chanyeol through theatre, which is how he’d met Jongdae, which is how he’d met Baekhyun. Ten had been right, gays really _are_ magnets.

“I better get back and get ready to ask for more tips,” Junmyeon declares as he stands, leaving his empty glass on the table. “It was nice meeting you, Yukhei. Let’s all catch up soon, okay?”

They say their farewells, leaving Baekhyun and Yukhei leaning on the outdoor standing table amongst the lingering scent of cigarette smoke.

“He was really nice,” Yukhei blurts, wanting to fill the silence. “All your friends are so cool.”

“Unlike me?” Baekhyun pouts.

Refusing to give in, Yukhei says, “Yeah.” Baekhyun punches him.

“Well I guess I’m pretty lucky.” Baekhyun smiles with his chin in his hand, then jerks upright again. He’s tipsy off of two drinks, it’s cute. “Do you want another surprise drink?”

“You want to stay?” Yukhei asks. He’d figured once the show was over they’d just… leave.

“Well, I mean, we came all this way and it _is_ a gay bar,” Baekhyun muses, sheepish. “I thought we could have fun? Or try to. Maybe us gay babies should play the wing man game or something.”

“Oh, I dunno…” Yukhei fiddles with the piercings in his ear lobe. “I don’t think I’m really up to that yet.”

“Why not?” Baekhyun asks, tipping his head so that his soft bangs fall to one side. “Don’t you want to experiment?”

“Why does everybody keep saying that?” Yukhei snaps. His sudden irritation startles Baekhyun, and makes shame flash through Yukhei hot and quick. He shirks into himself. “I-- sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Baekhyun trails off. It’s so awkward now, Yukhei wants to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself in it. “I just thought you’d want to try and work out what you want, right? Now that you like men too.”

But Yukhei knows what he wants, and it’s sitting right in front of him, and maybe that’s why the notion that he should find something else angers him as much as it does.

“Maybe,” Yukhei mumbles.

“We’ll start small!” Baekhyun suggests, throwing up his hands. He’s so cute and excited wanting to help Yukhei this much, it’s hard to hold it against him. Yukhei just softens. “Who do you find hot here?”

Yukhei glances around. There are plenty of attractive women, while the men tend to be… a little more unfortunate, there are lots of good looking dudes too. None of them compare to Baekhyun, though.

“Um, I don’t know,” Yukhei answers, in lieu of just saying _you, you, only you_. “Who do you find hot?”

“Uh.” Baekhyun spins in a circle. “Pretty much every dude here, yep.”

Yukhei snorts. “You’re so horny.”

“Sue me! I’ve repressed it for thirty years.” Baekhyun gestures to the corner. “What about them? They’re cute, and they look your age.”

Yukhei turns over his shoulder to follow Baekhyun’s gaze, seeing a group of well-dressed men chatting with beers in their hands. They’re definitely all very cute and good-looking, but Yukhei doesn’t feel the need to touch them the way he does Baekhyun.

“Why does the age matter?” Yukhei asks instead of encouraging this.

“You need someone… young and virile.” Baekhyun punches his arm lightly. “Someone who can keep up with you in life.”

“Are you saying you can’t?” Yukhei’s face scrunches.

“Well, no, but, you know…” Baekhyun trails off. Yukhei can’t say he does. “What about them?”

He doesn’t even waste the energy looking, this time around.

“Can we cut it out for now?” he asks, slumping. “I’m not here to get my dick wet, and I don’t like objectifying people.”

Baekhyun gives him an amused look. “Finding someone attractive isn’t objectifying them.”

“Well it feels like it!” Yukhei counters, exasperated. All he does is scrutinise others to work out his own issues and it doesn’t feel fair to them.

“You are so…” Baekhyun’s smile turns amazed. “Cute.” He reaches forward to pinch Yukhei’s ear. If Yukhei’s heart skips a beat, nobody needs to know. “Of course you’re just a giant teddy bear even when it comes to something like this.”

Yukhei exhales through his nose and tugs Baekhyun’s hand down onto the table just to keep it still. Why is he so _touchy_.

Instead of being indignant, though, Baekhyun just goes all soft and his chocolate-chip dotted thumb rubs circles over Yukhei’s, soft and consoling.

“Does this have to do with what you said earlier?” he asks, tone unusually gentle. “About invading spaces?”

“I--” Yukhei glances down to where Baekhyun’s slender fingers fiddle with his own, no idea how to process it. “A little? I guess? I just don’t feel confident here. Like I’m not... gay enough.”

Baekhyun nods in understanding, soft in his pity. Yukhei hates it, because even when he’s being looked at like he’s a confused little dog that doesn’t know what it’s doing, he still wants to kiss Baekhyun.

“There’s no minimum requirement to be here, Yukhei,” Baekhyun consoles. “It’s not a rollercoaster. And if it was you’re well past the needed height.” He pats Yukhei’s head with his free hand to demonstrate, making Yukhei huff out a reluctant laugh. “Plus, these spaces are _designed_ for self-discovery and stuff, so don’t beat yourself up just because you’re new to this. You deserve to be here as much as any other poor, confused ex-straight boy.”

Baekhyun’s hand on his makes Yukhei feel warm and fuzzy.

“Yeah,” he agrees, squeezing Baekhyun’s fingers. “I guess you’re right.”

Baekhyun grins at him, then declares, “I’m gonna go break the seal, be right back.”

Yukhei’s fingers tingle with the absence, so he shoves them into his hoodie pocket just to keep the warmth for a little longer. He groans as he slams his forehead against the table, hating himself.

“Woah, rough night?”

Yukhei startles, blinking up at a dude now standing on the other side of the small table. He’s cute, with big expressive eyes and parted chocolate hair. He’s dressed like Yukhei is in a hoodie and a jacket, and looks to be around his age, too.

“Uh, something like that.” Yukhei straightens. Is he about to be hit on again? He’s really not up for that whole shenanigan a second time. He’s about to voice as much when he notes the dude’s phone clenched between his knuckles, and the Kirishima sticker on top. “Oh man I _love_ hero academia.”

“Really? Man me too!” The dude helps himself into the space where Baekhyun was. “I’m Hendery.”

“Yukhei.”

They chat happily about anime for way too long; Hendery’s parents are from Macau so he’s a canto speaker just like Yukhei, which makes Yukhei happier than it should. He watches way too much anime and plays way too many video games --his words, not Yukhei’s-- and apparently ended up here because there’s a cosplayer youtuber who features Kim Chi in his makeup tutorial videos a lot which, upon being shown one, turns out to be Chanyeol. Damn Baekhyun’s friends are _cool_.

“Are you gay?” Yukhei blurts just as he finishes watching Chanyeol do a Zoro cosplay tutorial.

“Dude we’re at a gay bar,” Hendery replies. “Why are you even asking?”

“It’s like, my question of the month,” Yukhei explains. “I like asking gay people how they knew they were gay.”

“Oh, well I uh. Took a buzzfeed quiz.”

“...What?”

“I took a ‘How Gay Are You’ buzzfeed quiz,” Hendery elaborates. “It said I was only fifty-percent heterosexual and I realised it was right so here I am. Bi king.”

“Biking?”

“No, like, bisexual king.”

“Oh. Huh.” Yukhei stares at the wall for a moment. “And how was that realisation for you?”

“Pretty terrible?” Hendery offers. “I guess I had some homophobia-slash-biphobia stuff to work out, I dunno, I got there. It’s an ongoing thing.” He shrugs. “What about you?”

“It’s a long story.” One that Yukhei is tired of repeating and subsequently being laughed at for. “Basically my friend and I made out and I enjoyed it too much.”

“Man that’s fair,” Hendery commends, “very, very fair.”

They nod in a silence of mutual understanding before Yukhei realises that said _friend_ he made out with hasn’t come back from the bathroom yet, and it’s been over half an hour.

“Oh my god he could be dead,” Yukhei blurts, and dashes back into the bar--

\--Only to see Baekhyun standing at it with his hand on a tall man’s bicep, and the dude whispering in his ear, making Baekhyun laugh behind his hand.

Oh. So that’s what Yuqi meant when she told Yukhei not to get hurt.

“Hey did you find him or is he dea-- Woah.” Hendery looks at Yukhei’s face then follows his line of sight. “Oh. _Ohhhhh_. Oh wow. That’s the same friend who made you realise you like men, isn’t it?”

“What?” Yukhei snaps towards him. “How can you tell?”

“Bruh, gay pining is a universal expression.” Hendery puts a consoling hand on Yukhei’s shoulder. “Sorry for your loss.”

“It’s fine just…” Yukhei forces a smile. “He was my ride home.”

Hendery gives him a pat. “That’s rough buddy.”

Seeing Baekhyun flirting and laughing with someone who isn’t Yukhei hurts, a lot, so he turns to Hendery and says, “I think I might head off for the night. Can I have your number?” He pauses. “In a uh… platonic way.”

Hendery snorts. “Trust me bro, I figured that.” They exchange contact details and Hendery promises to invite Yukhei out for lunch at a hidden cantonese restaurant downtown that he should know about, while Yukhei thanks him, exchanges a polite, friendly fistbump, and braces himself for the awkwardness of telling Baekhyun he’s gonna head out.

“I’m getting pretty tired,” Yukhei says as he approaches, pointing to the door. “So I’m just gonna…”

“You’re leaving?” Baekhyun blinks up at him, disappointed. The tall guy next to him looks a little uncomfortable, like he doesn’t know if he should bother introducing himself or not. “What about the cute guy you were talking to?”

“Hendery?” Yukhei’s face scrunches together. “We were talking about anime. Not a bone-town sitch…” he trails off, noting the guy’s hand resting on Baekhyun’s hip. Yukhei isn’t a jealous person, but he is very greedy, and it makes him envious. “So uh, yeah. You’re having fun so I’ll leave you to it…”

“Don’t be stupid.” Baekhyun stands, snatching Yukhei’s wrist and holding him in place. The stranger’s hands fall down to his side. “I drove you here so I drove you home.”

Yukhei blinks down at him. “Are you… good to drive?”

“Well, no, but you are!” Baekhyun claps happily, spinning on his heel. “It was nice to meet you!” he tells the stranger before turning to Yukhei expectantly and letting him lead the way out the door.

Back outside in the cool night air, Yukhei says, “Did I just cockblock you?”

“What? No. Pfft.” Baekhyun leads him to the car, his steps wobbly. “Only a little.”

“You don’t have to do this.” Yukhei stops them both. “I thought exploring was important to you or whatever. I can just get an Uber.”

Baekhyun adamantly shakes his head. “I’ve probably had too much to drink anyway, and there will be more opportunities to hook up with mediocre sevens. Friends come first, obviously, so you’re more important.” He pats Yukhei’s arm and smiles up at him with the sparkly dark eyes that makes Yukhei want to kiss him.

Ow.

“Besides… seven is generous, he was more of a six.”

“Five,” Yukhei corrects. Baekhyun bursts into laughter.

“So he won’t objectify people until he’s jealous, huh?” Baekhyun prods at Yukhei’s ribs. “Cute.”

“Not objectification,” Yukhei grumbles, “facts.” Something about it makes him falter. “What do you mean by jealous?”

“What?”

“What do you mean by jealous?” Yukhei repeats. “What would I be jealous of?” He stares at Baekhyun.

“I dunno.” He shrugs it off. “That I was getting some and you weren’t?” He elbows Yukhei’s ribs, then rounds the car to the driver’s door before hesitating and shaking it off. “Tag team.”

He tosses Yukhei the keys, and Yukhei is so distracted by getting to drive an audi he doesn’t get to poke more holes in the strangeness of Baekhyun’s statement.

“Wahhh so cool,” Yukhei fanboys, adjusting the seat to fit his long legs in. “Is this what it feels like to have money?”

“Yeah enjoy the lap of luxury.” Baekhyun rests his head on the window pane and holds it for a moment, obviously too tipsy. “Get a single scratch on it and I’ll kill you.”

“Take it up with my lawyer,” Yukhei says confidently with a faux-posh accent, making Baekhyun snort. He starts the car.

He gets to pick the music with controls on the wheel that are displayed behind it, which is awesome. There’s one titled _sad_ that Yukhei puts on and it’s even softer and lonelier than what Baekhyun usually plays, making the quiet atmosphere somber. Baekhyun’s eyelids seem to be drifting open and closed in lulls, his silver hair fluffy and his mouth in a sleepy pout. It’s adorable, and like always, Yukhei wants to kiss him. Something he’s beginning to recognise might be far more dangerous than he first accounted for.

He makes it to Baekhyun’s and then falters, unsure of how he’s meant to get home from here.

“Don’t be stupid,” Baekhyun mumbles when Yukhei voices as much. “Sleep over.” He blinks up at Yukhei sleepily, giving a soft, lazy smile. “It’s our tradition, right?”

“Right,” Yukhei squeaks, unsure of how he could ever say no to _that_. Baekhyun grins, and they make their way up to his apartment. They fill up on water and Yukhei notes that Prickles is alive and healthy above the kitchen sink. Yukhei splashes cold water on his face in the bathroom then scrolls through his phone while Baekhyun showers and pads out in the same space dog pyjamas, holding up the comforter and patting the mattress roughly.

“Get in here champ,” he grunts. “My turn to be little spoon.”

“Shit,” Yukhei curses. “This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?”

“Hehehehe.” Baekhyun snuggles into the pillow as Yukhei loops an arm around him. God he’s so soft and small, and he smells so good. It makes Yukhei feel insane. “You fell right into my trap.”

Yukhei laughs through his nose, resisting the urge to kiss the nape of Baekhyun’s neck.

“”Night, Baekhyun.”

“Goodnight.”

“Xuxi you’re giving me trust issues,” Ten announces before Yukhei even has his shoes off. “What are we?”

“You’re not my weird gay uncle so stop acting like it.” Yukhei throws his jacket over the back of the couch.

“Ouch. Bad night?” Ten leans over the sofa from where he’s sitting, right on top of Yukhei’s jacket. “I thought Baekhyun seemed nice, not that you let me say as much.” He narrows his eyes. “What did you guys even do?”

“Went to a drag show and slept over,” Yukhei scrubs his face. “I’m just tired, sorry.”

“A _drag show_. And you didn’t invite me?”

“You hate going out,” Yukhei argues, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re an introvert _,_ you dislike how they put fruit in every alcoholic drink ever, _and_ you’d just want to embarrass me.”

“Yeah but I’ve never been to one! You make me feel like a gay failure.” He slumps into the couch, puffing out his cheeks. “So why so down? Was the sex that bad?”

“What? What sex?” Yukhei whips towards him.

“You said you slept over…” Ten repeats slowly. “Do you mean that in the… slumber party way?”

“ _Yes_ , Ten,” Yukhei hisses. “I already told you this is platonic!”

“Yeah I mean I get _that_ , but I’m getting the vibe you weren’t sleeping on the couch and I don’t understand why you’d… do that to yourself.” He sits up now, genuinely concerned.

“He’s a friend,” Yukhei argues pathetically.

“The same friend you liked so much it made you realise you’re gay? That friend?” Yukhei withers. “You gotta lay down some boundaries, man, or you’ll get hurt.”

“I’ll be fine.” He feels tense, defensive. “I’m not stupid, okay? I know I like him, but it doesn’t matter. That’s not what he wants so it’s fine.”

“Is it?” Ten looks at him worriedly, and Yukhei hates it. “You can’t keep breaking off pieces of yourself to give to other people, Yukhei, or you’ll run out. It’s okay to put yourself first.”

“I don’t _need_ to,” Yukhei argues. “It’s not that serious, alright?”

“It’s always serious with you, Xuxi.” Ten softens. “That’s why I’m worried.”

That just makes Yukhei feel like shit, because he doesn’t need to take out his feelings getting hurt on his best friend. Ten deserves better than that.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, thinking of muzzled lions. It’s not fair to bite. “But it’s fine, really. I promise.”

“Is that why you’re in a bad mood?” Yukhei doesn’t answer; Ten sighs. “Whatever, just come here you big baby. I need your help with some cuttings.”

So instead of going to his room to mope, Yukhei is forced to shower and help Ten clean his plants and prepare slices of them for propagation by leaving them in the sun or jars of water. It’s nice, in the end, because Yukhei isn’t very good at being alone or moping, and he figures Ten knows that. Better to help new things grow, rather than sit in his room and decay.

Work is the same as always, though it’s now littered with text conversations with Baekhyun between breaks. He’s important enough that he can be on his phone whenever he wants, while Yukhei is stuck sneaking away to his toolbox every five minutes to send laughing stickers back and curse when he gets oil on his phone screen. It’s hard to be upset at Baekhyun when he’s so cute and endearing and hasn’t done anything wrong --it’s even harder to get over him when Yukhei’s feelings just seem to get worse and worse.

“Still gay?” Mark asks as a conversation starter on wednesday as they share two meatball subs in the breakroom.

“Yeah it’s like, a whole thing now,” Yukhei confirms. “Why?”

“Just like to check in on you man, one bro to another,” Mark explains. “So how is it?”

“Fine I guess.” Yukhei shrugs, picking away a stray piece of lettuce threatening to tumble out. “I think I’m like… bi king or whatever.”

“Really? Danggg, I thought you liked cars more than motor bikes.”

“No like, bisexual king,” Yukhei elaborates. “I’m bi. I guess?” It’s the first time he’s thought to say it aloud, but after Hendery’s use, and grilling everybody he knows, it’s the label that fits best. He definitely still likes women, he just likes men too, and anybody in between. It’s… pretty nice to say.

“Oh nice man.” Mark pats his back. “I thought we were being ambiguous with labels.”

“Isn’t that like, being left-handed and right-handed?”

“No that’s ambidextrous.” Mark hesitates. “I think.”

“Oh.” Yukhei takes another bite. “Well, yeah, I dunno, I think labels are… nice?” he offers, mulling over his words as he swallows his food. “They can be confusing but… it helps with confidence.”

Maybe it’s different for everyone. Ten had told Yukhei that labels might be too much when he’s so uncertain, but if anything they just help Yukhei feel _more_ certain. He keeps thinking about Baekhyun saying that there’s no minimum requirement to be gay enough, and it lets Yukhei be more sure of himself. It’s like there’s a whole part of himself he’s just neglected, and he likes to wear it with more pride.

“I’m happy for you man,” Mark says. “Congratulations. Being bi’s wassup.” He goes in for the bro handshake, and Yukhei indulges him, cheering alongside him.

As the weather finally starts to warm up it seems to put everyone in a brighter, cheerier mood, even if it leaves the garage at work steaming and humid. Ten seems to come out of hibernation a lot more and Yukhei finds his social life ramps up even more than before, leaving him in high demand.

The only downside to spring is that instead of bundling up in fluffy scarves and handsome coats Baekhyun starts wearing loose t-shirts and jeans with dangling necklaces that catch along his throat and make Yukhei’s mouthwater. So yeah, this friendship is substantial now, and Yukhei’s feelings are no better off because of it. Instead of intense bursts it’s like they’ve settled into a gentle, simmering longing that’s somehow even worse. Yukhei is beginning to understand why all of Ten’s favourite gay poets write _yearning_ the way they do.

Junmyeon’s show at _Glass Half-Full_ had finished up weeks ago, but apparently his gigs move around a lot. He must be working at the gay club where Baekhyun and Yukhei first met, because that’s where Baekhyun has invited him for Saturday night.

 _It’s tradition_ , Baekhyun’s text insists _, and Junmyeon wants you there. And I need reinforcements!_

Yukhei can’t say no to him, he just can’t.

The days are warm but the nights are a little cooler, leaving Yukhei in a a few extra layers when he shows up to Baekhyun’s after work. Pizza is lying on the kitchen counter and Jongdae and Chanyeol yell loudly at each other over the validity of pineapple. It makes Yukhei smile.

“Today’s drink is mandarin cider to get you started.” Baekhyun offers a cold can to Yukhei, who takes it. “How is it?”

“Strange,” Yukhei deduces. He joins the others on a stool around the counter while munching on a slice of Hawaiian. “I’d rank it like, above pear cider but beneath apple.”

“And where do they fit in with the others?”

Yukhei has to take a moment to remember all the strange concoctions Baekhyun has force fed him. It’s a miracle his liver functions.

“Above vodka cranberry but below gin and tonic.”

“Okay okay,” Baekhyun nods like he’s taking notes. “We can work with that.”

They catch up on their weeks; Chanyeol asks how far into One Piece Yukhei has gotten (at the insistence of Hendery, despite the 10938739784324 episodes) and then that turns into Chanyeol mentioning the One Piece tattoo he’s getting, Yukhei showing off the lion he got when he was nineteen, and then Jongdae rambling on passionately about tattoo artists he recommends if Yukhei wants to get another. He mentions not having the money and Baekhyun quickly chimes in to say he’d happily help fund one for him as a gift for christmas or his birthday, since he’d look hot.

Yukhei doesn’t know what to do with Baekhyun calling him hot so he just goes to the bathroom and screams into his fist.

With all the fun of pres out of the way, they cram into an uber to make it in time for Junmyeon’s short act. As always, Baekhyun gets Yukhei’s cover fee and makes him feel guilty, but he doesn’t get a chance to fight him on it.

The club is darker and tighter packed than Yukhei remembers it being, though no less filled with… a lot of men in interesting outfits. At least Yukhei isn’t wearing a snapback this time, so he doesn’t stand out as much --then again, Baekhyun _still_ has it. He really ought to get it back sometime.

“Here you go,” Baekhyun offers, sliding Yukhei something red and fizzy. “Vodka and raspberry lemonade.”

“Now the poor kid’s gonna get sugar rush,” Jongdae jokes, slapping Yukhei’s shoulder. “Let’s find a table.”

Being a club, there aren’t seats, but there are standing tables for them to place their drinks on and wait around until the show starts. Chanyeol mentions something about visiting Junmyeon backstage and tugs Jongdae with him with their fingers intertwined. Huh.

“I always feel so intimidated here,” Baekhyun half-shouts as he sips at his gin and tonic. He’s tipsy, and like always, it’s cute. “Like bars are the token slime enemies but clubs are the big boss.”

Yukhei barks out laughter at his analogy.

“Same man,” he shouts back. “Clubs are scary.”

“At least we’re both on equal footing here.” Baekhyun touches Yukhei’s arm and smiles up at him. “It helps, y’know, I should really thank you for coming with me to these things. It’s less…”

“Lonely?” Yukhei offers. Baekhyun’s grin blossoms.

“Yeah,” he relents, and squeezes Yukhei’s arm, though it feels like he’s squeezing his heart directly instead even though that should be impossible. Yukhei’s ribcage feels like a theoretic concept around Baekhyun, who seems to poke and prod through it whenever he likes. Schrodinger’s sternum.

Junmyeon’s drag performance is more high energy than his last show if not equally as enjoyable; this time it’s him and a few other queens doing elicit dances to pop songs and making the club go wild. When he swings past with a tip jar to give Jongdae a _very_ salacious dance, Yukhei slides him the usual ten, Baekhyun a twenty, and cheers and whoops when he climbs back up onto the stage to do some… very impressive things to a poll.

“Woah, I should really get his workout routine,” Yukhei blurts. The abdominal strength it must take to do that…

Baekhyun snorts. “You disgust me. Who _enjoys_ exercise?”

“Me? Lots of people?”

“Sounds fake.” Baekhyun turns his nose up. Yukhei just rolls his eyes and rests his arm on his head to piss him off, laughing when the usual squabble about abusing his stupid height come out.

The drag queens’ set ends, and they busy themselves entertaining the rabble or leaving to go backstage, letting the dancefloor fill up again.

“Let’s dance,” Chanyeol announces, dragging them all out to the floor as they laugh. Jongdae whines about being too old but Chanyeol just ignores him as they form a clumsy circle.

“Deja vu, huh?” Baekhyun asks as he tiptoes into Yukhei’s ear, his nose brushing against one of his helix piercings and making him shiver. He can still remember what it felt like to have Baekhyun close like that, and heat pulses in waves from where he holds onto Yukhei’s shoulder for balance.

Baekhyun excuses himself for water and to get them another round of drinks, and Yukhei happily dances with Chanyeol and Jongdae before beginning to feel like a strange third wheel and opting for the bathroom instead. His mouth is dry and his head is fuzzy, so he decides he needs more water too.

Once again, at the bar, Baekhyun is talking to a tall guy and smiling up at him. It sinks through Yukhei like lead and he grabs water from the free dispenser before sulking to the back to find a free table where he can glare in peace.

“Did you just get invited to a funeral or what?” Jongdae asks as he approaches, pushing sweaty bangs out of his face. He follows Yukhei’s line of sight to where the stranger is now whispering into Baekhyun’s ear and making him giggle, pressing little kisses against his neck. “Oh shit, ouch.”

“Does he have a minimum height requirement or what?” Yukhei asks. Seeing the stranger lean over Baekhyun and frame him against the bar just feels like salt in the wound.

“Maybe that’s why we never worked,” Jongdae muses, contemplative. “Anyways, don’t get so heartbroken kid. Baekhyun’s kind of an asshole.” That just makes Yukhei snap towards him, concerned. “I mean… not as a friend, sure, but you gotta look at his dating history here. The cards aren’t great. Every woman he’s dated he’s just lied to, ‘nuff said, and every man he’s been with has been a one-stop shop for self-discovery. Doesn’t scream ‘made of one-hundred percent boyfriend material’ to me.”

“I don’t-- I don’t want to date him,” Yukhei argues. Jongdae looks at him for a long moment.

“...Who are you trying to fool?”

“I don’t know.” Yukhei sighs, giving up. “I know he’s not ready to date, but logic doesn’t help me get over him. Trust me man, I’ve tried.”

“Yeah that sounds like a proper gay curse for you there. All the pining.” Jongdae nods sagely, sipping at his water as he leans an elbow on the table. “Give it time, kid. You can do better than someone who’s only silver four in League and still technically married.”

But it’s not about who’s better or worse, it’s about who Yukhei likes, and he likes Baekhyun. Likes how soft he is, how funny he is, how he’s always looking out for Yukhei and checking in on him and just wants to be a good friend. Yukhei has liked him ever since Baekhyun first approached him in this same goddamn club, and he doesn’t see himself moving on anytime soon.

But telling Jongdae that will get him nowhere, so Yukhei keeps his mouth shut, though his teeth start grinding together when he sees Baekhyun and the tall guy blatantly making out now. It makes him feel like a bad person. This is what Baekhyun wants, isn’t it? To be free with his sexuality and explore, so why is Yukhei feeling bitter over it rather than supportive?

Well, he knows why, and he hates it. He wants to be a good friend to Baekhyun, not someone who gets petty and greedy about something that had never been his to begin with. Yukhei should know better.

Every inch of him wants to scream and run, but the last time he’d done that he’d ended up cockblocking Baekhyun, so instead he stays. Dances some more, drinks more water until the tipsiness fades and brings with it a sour mood, hides in a bathroom cubicle to go on his phone until he hears moaning, freaks out, and sneaks away.

He’s almost panicking at the thought that the moaning might have included Baekhyun since he can’t spot him at the bar, but then there’s a tap at his shoulder.

“Trying to discover the actual perks of being a wallflower?” Baekhyun grins up at him. “Hey there stranger. Where you been?”

“Um… not making out with random dudes?” Yukhei offers, and then curses. Baekhyun only laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. His lips are swollen; Yukhei tries not to think about it too hard.

“That’s fair. I’m pretty tired of it myself though. Wanna head home?”

Yukhei squints. “Aren’t you gonna… you know?” He makes a vague hand gesture. “See what you’ve been missing.”

Baekhyun shrugs. “Not tonight. You coming or you wanna pay for your own uber?”

Yukhei scrambles to follow.

They say their goodbyes to the ambiguous trio backstage, and make their escape. Yukhei watches Baekhyun only input his own address to the app and can feel Ten berating him in the back of his mind, choosing to ignore it. Baekhyun doesn’t even comment on the fact, just gets out and starts making his way to his apartment like he expects Yukhei to follow.

He does follow, of course he does, bu that’s besides the point.

The routine is familiar by now, though Yukhei splashes some water onto Prickles for good measure when he gets water in the kitchen; its leaves are looking a little yellow. At the very least if nothing else it’s Yukhei’s turn to be the little spoon, happily crawling into Baekhyun’s arms and trying not to think about it too hard.

“Yukhei?” Baekhyun asks, earning a lazy hum in response. Yukhei is too tired to even bother opening his eyes. “Why… _don’t_ you make out with random dudes?”

Talk about a loaded question.

Yukhei opens his eyes and rolls over.

“Um.” Baekhyun’s face is way too close to his own, so he wriggles back a little. “What do you mean?”

“Just…” Baekhyun trails off, searching his face briefly before finding something there and deciding to roll onto his back. What did he see, Yukhei wonders. “You’re such a catch.” Then why doesn’t _Baekhyun_ date him, the fuck. “And I thought you’d at least want to _try_ exploring by now. I’m pretty sure any man with eyes would want you. Like… what’s the point of even coming?”

“I dunno, I like hanging out with my friends?” Yukhei offers. “And it’s nice just to be in the space, y’know, be a part of it all.”

“But don’t you want to _really_ include yourself?”

“I think our situations are kinda different here.” Yukhei laughs thinly. Baekhyun actively repressed himself for years; Yukhei just discovered he had a blindspot. “I’m sure there are people like me who want to explore, but I don’t really need to. I know what I want.”

“And what’s that?” Baekhyun asks.

Yukhei chooses not to answer.

So Yukhei’s feelings are getting worse rather than better, it’s fine. If he has to lie to his best friend about sleeping on a couch it’s fine! It’s all fine!

Warmer weather means Baekhyun gets even more adventurous, and they even go out for drinks at straight people bars sometimes. One time they grab dinner with a couple of Baekhyun’s other friends, Seungwan and Sooyoung, after a movie, and Yukhei contemplates shoving a steak knife through his eye when he sees Baekhyun’s phone light up with a hundred unread Grindr notifications.

Fantastic.

But he gets some free work out of it since Sooyoung needs help installing better suspension on her car, and she pays him in cash and food, which is awesome. Befriending Baekhyun has opened a whole new world of Yukhei; a world of LGBT+ content, people with money, and a lot of fruity, alcoholic drinks.

It’s also a world of drunken platonic cuddling, because tipsy Baekhyun is clingy and it doesn’t matter if they go out at all or not. Yukhei comes over one night to play Overcooked 2 and even sober Baekhyun still insists that it’s his turn to be the little spoon as he snuggles into Yukhei’s chest. Yukhei is beginning to wonder if he should start leaving changes of clothes and a toothbrush at Baekhyun’s just to cope with how often he spends a weekend night in his bed.

In the morning Baekhyun is still making those little puppy noises in Yukhei’s arms, silver hair fanned over his face in a way that makes Yukhei want to defenestrate himself. Again. He’s just so soft looking it _hurts_ , and Yukhei tenderly brushes a few stray silver strands behind his ear for the sake of self-indulgence.

There’s instant pancake mix in the kitchen, so he busies himself making that, trying not to think about how domestic this feels and how it cuts him up inside. Cuddling Baekhyun after a night out had seemed all well and good the _first_ time when it was a romantic one night stand, but now it’s like… romantic friends with benefits, which is way worse for Yukhei’s heart. Ten’s warning to put down boundaries echoes around his skull and bounces around the empty walls, but Yukhei just blocks it out. As much as it hurts to have Baekhyun this much but not quite enough, it would hurt more to not have him at all, so Yukhei will pay the price and deal with the toll.

It’s fine.

Prickles is looking dusty and its colour is uneven, so Yukhei waters it some more and rotates it around, brushing off the dust with his fingertips. It’s old enough to be blooming now, from what he remembers of Ten’s lecture, but it hasn’t because Baekhyun hasn’t been taking care of it. It makes Yukhei sad; not only are the blooms beautiful, but he feels like his gift had been a failure, making him feel dejected.

He’s flipping pancakes shirtless when the doorbell rings, loud enough to make a disgruntled Baekhyun yell _I’LL GET IT_ as he shuffles through the living room with the king-sized comforter around his shoulders. Yukhei’s curious, so he pokes his head over the kitchen counter to see who it is.

It’s a woman, which considering Baekhyun’s usual gay sausage fest is surprising, even moreso that it isn’t one Yukhei has met before. She’s shorter than Baekhyun with long, soft dark brown hair and thin, pretty eyes. She’s wearing a tight tee cropped above her belly button and high waisted jeans that show off her small waist and remind Yukhei that he is _certainly_ bi before he slaps his own forehead for objectifying the poor woman and returns to his pancakes in shame and disgust.

“We were just about to eat, did you want to join us?” Baekhyun offers as he leads the woman over to sit at the kitchen counter, pulling out a tall glass for water. She shakes her head, accepting the glass by curling her fingers around it.

“It’s alright, I ate before I came. I just wanted to drop some papers off, not stay too long.” She seems awkward and unsure of herself, and weirdly, so does Baekhyun. She turns to Yukhei with soft yet sharp eyes. “And you are…?”

“Ah! Seulgi, Yukhei, Yukhei, Seulgi.” Baekhyun makes a grand gesture. “Stayed up too late playing video games so I let him sleep over.”

Seulgi _ah_ ’s in understanding while Yukhei just stands their flabbergasted because holy shit. It’s the _wife_.

“Well it’s nice to meet you,” she tells Yukhei with a genuine smile.

“You too!” He returns it with force, and she laughs.

“It’s a nice place, Baekhyun. Though a little empty,” she comments, her arms close to her body as she spins on the stool to examine the apartment idly. It’s become a little more lived in over the months with a few pieces of art and decorations, but there’s still a lot missing. “I can see why you keep fighting me for the DeGuele prints so bad.”

“Well I _did_ buy them,” Baekhyun grumbles. Seulgi laughs --even her laugh is pretty. Yukhei never thought he’d see the day where somebody would be out of Baekhyun’s league, but here it is.

“Take it up with my attorney,” she counters, which makes Baekhyun snort. At the mention she pulls something out of a satchel she’d slung over the stool. “Speaking of, please sign these by next week.”

“Will do,” Baekhyun promises, as Seulgi shuffles the papers to the side. Her glass is still filled with water, and Yukhei feels the atmosphere turn a little awkward as Baekhyun and Seulgi just… don’t know what to do with each other. It’s tense and strange. There’s no animosity or loathing or bitterness, just a strange, somber quality filled with regret. It makes Yukhei’s whole body itch, desperate to fix it.

“So what do you do?” he asks Seulgi as he slides two pancakes onto a plate. They’re not miserably burnt --Ten would be proud.

“I’m a professor of entomology,” she answers, seeming to relax at the ease of questions.

“Ety-whatta?”

“Bugs,” Baekhyun supplies, then shivers. Seulgi laughs.

“Yes, bugs,” she confirms. “Butterflies, to be specific.”

“That is…” Yukhei’s eyes widen. “So _cool_. What’s that like?”

He finds out a lot about Seulgi in such a short time in between drowning his pancakes in syrup and eating a banana too because he’s still hungry. Her research in native butterflies and their role as pollinators and how human development risks their extinction, that she’d met Baekhyun at the humid butterfly house at the zoo and it had seemed like fate, that she also recommends adding desiccated coconut to pancakes as an excellent compliment to maple syrup.

She’s smart and nice and goddamn amazing, and Yukhei can tell Baekhyun knows it too because he looks at her with this… fond expression. Love, he supposes, pure and hurting --which is the realest kind.

She excuses herself with the need to get some work done at home, and Baekhyun walks her to the door while Yukhei waits awkwardly in the kitchen, a little too curious to stop himself from prying.

They’re hugging.

“You can come here anytime you feel up to it,” Baekhyun tells her, “you know that, right?”

“Of course.” Seulgi squeezes, then draws back. “Come pick up your shit sometime as well.”

That makes Baekhyun laugh, and Seulgi tentatively joins in. They say their farewells, and Yukhei scrambles to appear nonchalant as he scrubs the pan in the kitchen sink.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun apologises with a yawn, the hems of his pyjamas brushing along the floor. “The court date is coming up, so…”

Yukhei shakes his head. “That’s fine, she seems really nice.”

“She’s perfect,” Baekhyun corrects. “Way too perfect for me even if I did like women.” He laughs, jagged and sharp.

“You don’t talk about it much,” Yukhei points out, leaning his back against the sink. “The divorce.”

“Honestly? It’s pretty anticlimactic.” Baekhyun hops onto a stool and pokes at a stray crumb on his plate. “We’re splitting most things evenly, we just need the law’s help to make the split official. There’s only a few little things we bicker about but even then, our attorneys keep saying we’re the easiest case they’ve ever had.” He brings the crumb up to his mouth and licks it off the top of his finger. “I guess I’m still sort of ashamed of it, after everything.”

“Why?” Yukhei asks, then stumbles. “I mean… you were super closeted and stuff. That makes sense, it’s not something to be ashamed of.”

“Yeah but I hurt her,” Baekhyun says softly, “and I’m ashamed of that.” He shakes it off then, perking up with a sudden burst of energy. “Ah well. The past is the past and all that! I’m a full blown fruity little twink now, nothing to be done.” Yukhei snorts. “Want me to drive you home? After you put a shirt on, of course. Not that I mind the view.”

Yukhei laughs it off. It’s all he can do.

“Sure.”

“Everything okay there bro?” Hendery asks, pulling Yukhei from his reverie. “I just ate the last prawn wonton and you didn’t even yell like, a little.”

“I’m fine man, just thinking.” Yukhei watches the steam waft from his plastic teacup, inhaling the scent of jasmine. It’s such a soft, comforting scent it somehow reminds him of Baekhyun, which makes no sense at all. Then again, thinking of Baekhyun is as constant as breathing, so Yukhei doesn’t know why he bothers taking note of it anymore.

“What’s on your mind?” Hendery prompts. “Did the dressrosa arc fuck you up that bad?”

“Yes, but that’s not it, I just…” Yukhei puts his chin in his palm, contemplative. “Remember that friend I told you about, the closeted one.”

“The one that you made out with?” Hendery looks amused. “You may have mentioned him, once or three thousand times. I kind of lose track.”

Yukhei scrubs his face briefly in embarrassment. “Yeah well it’s not about _him_ but something that happened with him.”

“Like all things in your gay little life?”

“Shut up,” Yukhei doesn’t miss a beat, “but I’ve been trying out the bi king stuff, right, but…” His face scrunches together. “It’s hard to explain, I dunno. This friend of mine was all closeted and stuff and even you had a crisis after realising, but I just… didn’t. Is that bad?”

“Um… no.” Hendery gives him a weird look. “Dude, I dunno how to tell you that like, not dealing with internalised homophobia is a good thing. You shouldn’t feel guilty about not having it, it doesn’t make you any less gay. Your fat ass crush proves that.”

He has a point there, but he keeps thinking about Baekhyun’s insistence on _experimentation_ and _exploration_ and how little Yukhei wants any of that. It’s like he’s doing something wrong, and he doesn’t get it.

“My fat ass crush also causes it,” Yukhei grunts. “Shouldn’t I want to kiss other dudes and stuff before I tie myself down to one who doesn’t even want me back?”

“I mean… no?” Hendery offers. “Like, some of us are whores and others aren't. Neither is any less valid bruh, your feelings are your feelings. There’s no right or wrong way, gay or not.”

“I guess you’re right.” Yukhei scoops out more of the claypot rice. Hendery is straightforward, just like Yukhei, he’s a good friend to have. Yukhei’s glad he found out he was bi, if only to meet Hendery at a gay bar. “So how much is the zou arc gonna fuck me up?”

“Not as much as dressrosa or marineford, but--”

Yuqi is clutching a win in valorant in their usual gaming sesh after work when Yukhei’s phone buzzes with an incoming call, which he excuses himself for just as the round finishes. It’s Baekhyun, which is weird, because Baekhyun is a chronic texter, making it a cause for concern.

“Are you okay?” Yukhei asks as soon as he answers. “What’s up?”

“Ummm I’m fine!” Baekhyun answers quickly in a panicked sort of way that makes Yukhei know he most certainly isn’t. “You know what? This was a butt dial. Don’t worry about it.”

“Baekhyun,” Yukhei insists sternly. “What’s wrong?”

Baekhyun lets out a long breath that causes the line to fizzle with static. Yukhei just moves to lie on his bed with the phone pressed against his ear, and waits.

“Remember that little thing I have going on, where I’m attempting to cancel my marriage for being problematic?” Yukhei snorts. “Yeah um, it’s today and I think I need moral support.”

“What? Today?” Yukhei shoots up. “You never told me!”

“I thought… I thought I could do it alone, it’s not a big deal.” Baekhyun lets out a shaky breath. “But I was wrong and I… I could just use you right now, Yukhei.”

Yukhei doesn’t have to think twice. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

He apologises to Yuqi for cutting their hangout short for the sake of a Baekhyun emergency, and though her tone of voice sounds like she has more to say she doesn’t, telling him to go since it’s more important. Yukhei doesn’t know what he’s meant to wear to court so he just decides on the most presentable sweater and clean jeans he can find, fiddling with his hair in the bathroom for longer than necessary before dashing out to get to the train on time.

When Baekhyun opens the door he’s dressed _way_ nicer than Yukhei is used to. Slacks and a white button-up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, the top button undone, shiny leather shoes and an expensive looking watch. Even his hair has been neatly parted and styled above his forehead, making him look mature and put-together. Yukhei quickly wipes away the drool that falls past his bottom lip.

“This is stupid,” Baekhyun is saying, frazzled as he paces around the living room. “Why am I freaking out about this so much? We’ve been separated for over a year, now. It’s not like this means anything, and--”

“Hey.” Yukhei tugs Baekhyun’s hands into his to keep him still and grounded. His first thought had been to kiss him to shut him up, but that had seemed a very poor choice. “It’s important. It’s like, symbolic.”

“Symbolic?”

“Yeah, because this is official now,” Yukhei explains. “It’s the last remainder of who you were before, right?”

“I guess so…” Baekhyun seems to relax at that. “I don’t know, I think I kept trying to tell myself I don’t care but… I do? I’m not even worried about our agreement of assets or anything, I just feel like throwing up. I’m nervous? Or excited? I can’t tell. I do really need to shit though.”

“So charming, I can’t believe anyone would divorce you.”

“Shut up.” Baekhyun punches him. “I’m gonna go shit and then we can leave, okay?”

Yukhei agrees, but not before sneaking into the kitchen to grab a glass of water to force feed Baekhyun when he gets out, along with two slices of toast and some chocolate since he knows Baekhyun wouldn’t have eaten anything (which had been a correct guess). Baekhyun keeps complaining that they’re going to be late, but Yukhei insists it’s fine and sits him down at the kitchen table with his makeshift afternoon breakfast until every crumb is gone.

“Are we done now?” Baekhyun says while still chewing his food. Flawed indeed. “I want to get this over and done with.”

“As long as you’re done shitting we can go.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes and pinches Yukhei’s shoulder as he goes to grab his suit jacket, making Yukhei whine.

“Unbearable,” he tells him, though he’s smiling and no longer looks as distraught.

Yukhei has only been to court once, while on jury duty, but he’d never even had a chance to get selected to _be_ selected. He has to take off his belt and necklace at the metal detector, then stands awkwardly as Baekhyun meets his attorney in the foyer and buys them all coffee from the cafe there.

Yukhei happily sips at his mocha while the attorney gives Baekhyun the rundown of how it will go. Since they’re not fighting it out, they pretty much give their rundown to the judge, and then the judge will make it official. Amazing. Yukhei isn’t allowed to attend the hearing itself since it’s only the included parties present, which is fine by him, happy to sit in a few waiting chairs outside the hearing room. It’s not even the full court with the cool bannister and shit. Lame.

Then just like that, they file out of the room, and it’s over.

“I am _officially_ a single man,” Baekhyun declares proudly. Yukhei whoops and pulls him into a hug, spinning him around as Baekhyun laughs. Seulgi watches on amusedly. “I’m gonna shit real quick and then we can go, okay?”

Yukhei nods in agreement as Baekhyun paces away, then turns to Seulgi, who lingers.

“Oh uh, sorry,” Yukhei blurts. He seriously just cheered about it in front of her. “Was that mean? I didn’t mean to be mean--”

“Yukhei it’s fine.” She places a hand on his arm in reassurance. “It’s not like I want to be married to a gay man either. It’s a good thing.”

“But you seem sad,” Yukhei blurts. “I mean, uhhh.”

“Just nostalgic. But I’m relieved, I promise.” Seulgi smiles up at him. “You’ll take good care of him, right? He’s a bit of a mess, but he’s a good person.”

The sudden nonsequitur has Yukhei stumbling, speechless.

“What do you mean?” he asks weakly. “He’s my friend, of course I will. I’ll try my best.”

“Can I give you some advice, Yukhei?” Seulgi prompts. “As one now ex significant other to…” She looks at him pointedly. “...a _friend_.”

Yukhei swallows. “Of course.”

“Baekhyun lives in denial,” she starts, “and he’s pretty good at it, but he’s always been too smart for his own good. He’s good at playing pretend, marrying his wife and starting their suburban life and having his perfect job as an office man but he will _always_ know it’s pretend. He always has, right since the start.

“I guess that makes me a hypocrite, because I think I knew too, but…” she trails off, shaking her head. “Take it from someone who played the game with him, Yukhei. It’s better just to click save and quit.”

“What are you…” Yukhei clears his throat as his voice loses strength. “What are you saying?”

“I’ve only met you twice, and I can tell you’re a very honest person already. You’re easy to read.” She gives him a sympathetic smile. “If I can work that much out, well… Baekhyun has no excuse, right?” She exhales slowly, a tired sort of thing. “I know Baekhyun very well, I love him and I always will, but… he’s good at making people like you and I hurt ourselves for his sake, and he hurts himself in the process. Don’t let him get away with it, okay? It’s a bad habit.”

“I--” Yukhei doesn’t get a chance to finish as Baekhyun comes out of the bathroom, his hands on Yukhei’s shoulder.

“Whatcha guys talking about?”

“Just chit chat.” Seulgi smiles. “I should get going, Joohyun made reservations to celebrate, I don’t want to be late.”

“Joohyun huh?” Baekhyun waggles his eyebrows.

“Shut it.” Seulgi looks a little flustered and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. It’s cute, and also the first time Yukhei has seen her lose any sort of composure. “One sexuality crisis between two is enough for a single household’s plot line. I should be on my way.” She hugs Baekhyun briefly. “Let’s catch up later in the week, alright?”

Baekhyun perks up, surprised for a moment until he beams with fondness. “Yeah.”

Seulgi says goodbye to them and chats with her attorney briefly before leaving, and Baekhyun does the same, dragging Yukhei to the parking lot with a skip in his step as he does.

“I can’t believe it’s _over_ ,” he bemoans. “I think part of me thought the judge was going to incinerate me for fucking up the suburban dream and being gay, but she didn’t give a single shit.” He claps his hands together, ecstatic. “Maybe we should celebrate too.”

“That sounds good,” Yukhei agrees, also grinning because Baekhyun’s happiness is contagious. “Pizza?”

When they make it back to Baekhyun’s, the first thing he does is beeline to the bedroom, coming back out with a gold ring.

“And here’s to the heterosexual farce!” he shoots it like a basketball to the wastebin in the kitchen, missing painfully, then scrambling to dash over and dunk it in as Yukhei laughs so hard his sides hurt. “Woo!”

“Isn’t that ring like, thousands of dollars?”

“Oh absolutely, this was just a metaphor.” He fishes through the trash for a moment until the gold ring is back in his fingers. “I can’t wait to pawn you little guy.”

He leaves the ring next to Prickles for safe-keeping, then seats himself next to Yukhei at the kitchen counter and throws a thigh over his.

“So, pizza?”

Yukhei glances down to where their legs are touching, and where Baekhyun’s fingers have begun to hunt for tears in his jeans, even though Yukhei wore his nice pair that don’t have any. When he glances back up, Baekhyun is just smiling at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

“Pizza’s good,” Yukhei answers weakly, “yeah.”

“Man I’m so happy I feel like I could burst,” Baekhyun declares once they’re done arguing over the best toppings, standing to slide around the room. “I feel like I need to get really high. Or really drunk. Both? Should we go out tonight? I wanna dance.”

It’s too fast for Yukhei to keep up with. “It’s a Thursday.”

“And? It’s a very _special_ Thursday.” Baekhyun slides over and tugs at Yukhei’s sweater petulantly. “C’mon we can just go to like, that cool rooftop straight people bar or something. My treat.”

“It’s always your treat.” Yukhei frowns. Baekhyun has paid for drinks and cover fees since day one. “I have work tomorrow…”

“Call in sick!” Baekhyun declares. “C’mon Yukhei. I needed your moral support for emotional reasons at the start, but now I need your moral support for me to get hammered on this very joyous occasion. Are you in or not?”

“Okay, okay,” Yukhei relents. “You win.”

“Woo!” Baekhyun tosses the empty pizza box frisbee style into the kitchen, completely uncaring. Yukhei laughs.

While Baekhyun gets changed, Yukhei does his usual sneaky maintenance of Prickles by the windowsill, then lets Baekhyun drag him away to his audi. His excitement is so contagious Yukhei forgets he feels weirdly tired and wrung out, like laundry that’s had all the water squeezed out and been hung out to dry. Something about Seulgi’s advice lingers in the back of his mind like a stain that makes his gut twist when he looks at it, knowing he’ll never clean it out, so instead he covers it, focusing on Baekhyun’s wriggling happiness as he sings aloud to noughties pop songs at the top of his lungs while driving.

“I texted YeolDaeMyeon but they said they’re busy being old and tired, lame,” Baekhyun bemoans as they find a booth at the back of the bar. “Looks like it’s just you and me again, wingman.”

“JongChanJun?” Yukhei offers.

“Actually if we go by age order I guess it should be MyeonDaeYeol or JunJongChan.”

“These are starting to sound like actual names,” Yukhei laughs, “stop.”

“The point is made. The throuple will not be joining us.”

“So they _are_ all dating.” Yukhei gasps in realisation.

“Yes? Did you not realise that?” Baekhyun stares at him. “Yukhei. _Yukhei_.”

“What? It was never confirmed!” Baekhyun’s crying from how hard he’s laughing. “Stop laughing at me!”

“I can’t help it, you’re so cute.” When he reaches out to pinch Yukhei’s ear, Yukhei grabs his hand before he can, holding onto it. There’s a long, tense moment where they just look at each other, before Baekhyun pulls his hand away like he’d been burnt. He covers it up with a smile. “Funny that my closest friends are the gayest stereotypes in the world, right? So gay they can’t even handle monogamy.”

“Yeah,” Yukhei says, though he’s still frowning. “I guess…”

“I’ll go get us some drinks and food,” Baekhyun declares, rushing to stand. “Be right back.”

Yukhei watches him go with a persistent frown, then sighs to himself as he knocks his forehead against the tabletop. He hates feelings, and Yukhei’s usual cocktail mix of them are all weird and twisted inside of him right now, conflicted. Tonight is about Baekhyun --he just got divorced for fuck’s sake-- so why does Yukhei have to feel like this and feel so… selfish?

“Tonight’s new drink is Sex on the Beach,” Baekhyun declares as he slides back into the seat. “Enjoy.”

Yukhei’s eyebrows furrow together. “You’ve already made me try this one.”

“Oh, have I?” Baekhyun blinks. “Are you sure?”

Yukhei is absolutely sure, because the deja vu of hearing that name and thinking about making out with Baekhyun on the beach is all too familiar.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Well did you like it?” Baekhyun begins to look nervous. “Because if you didn’t I can get you something else...”

“No no, it’s fine, it’s--” Yukhei pauses. “--It’s nice to have the same thing sometimes, you know?”

“Yeah but you’re young and should try new things,” Baekhyun insists, sipping at his gin and tonic. “It’s part of the fun.”

“ _You_ always order the same thing though…” Yukhei realises. “Why aren’t I allowed to?”

“Well, I’m older. I know what I like. I just thought it’s more fun for you this way…” Baekhyun hunches a little, defensive. “You never complained. I am the one paying, after all.”

“Yeah but even then, don’t I have a right to get what I want? I’m the one that has to drink it.” Yukhei frowns. “You’re a hypothesis.”

“I think you mean hypocrite.”

“Whatever.” Yukhei frowns harder. “You can’t force me to try new drinks all the time just because you wish you would but can’t admit you don’t want to.”

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks, arching an eyebrow. “I don’t think it’s that deep.”

“No I think it is,” Yukhei argues. “And you know that. Because this isn’t just about drinks, is it?”

Baekhyun stands up suddenly.

“ _I’m_ going to go dance, since I’m pretty sure this night was meant to be about me having fun and not you berating me.” He snatches his gin and tonic into his hand. “And maybe I’ll order something different. For _myself_. You can buy your own drinks.”

Yukhei withers in guilt. “Baekhyun, wait--” But he’s dodging out of reach before Yukhei can grab him, melting in his seat. He’s never argued with Baekhyun before, not… like this, not in a meaningful way; not in a way that hurts.

Their fries come to the table and Yukhei shoves them into his mouth just to have something to do, leaving the bowl half-full in case Baekhyun returns to the table. He doesn’t, and when Yukhei scans his way across the fairy-light littered rooftop space with fake grass, he can spot Baekhyun dancing in the centre of it in a ring of strangers, laughing and joking with them easily. Yukhei wishes Baekhyun was just a little less lovable and sociable, sometimes, if only for his own sake.

He could walk over and join in, but that would feel like surrendering, and Yukhei is too stubborn for that. Instead, he pettily finishes off the remaining fries, then feels guilty about doing so. Maybe he should just apologise…

He mentally prepares himself for it for a brief moment, then stands and makes his way over to the dancefloor where Baekhyun once was, only to realise he’s no longer there. He isn’t _anywhere_ Yukhei can search, not the dancefloor or the bar or any of the booths, and after several laps of the place he realises there’s only one place he hasn’t checked and beelines towards it.

Yukhei hadn’t known what to expect swinging the bathroom door open, but Baekhyun pressed against the kitchen sink with some dude’s tongue in his mouth hadn’t been it. The door creaks as it swings open suddenly and Yukhei stands in the threshold; the stranger practically defiling Baekhyun doesn’t seem to notice, but Baekhyun does, and his eyes open to make eye contact with Yukhei over the strangers shoulder. It could be one second, or maybe one year, but Yukhei just stands there like a deer in headlights and Baekhyun watches him complicity, all the while kissing somebody who isn’t Yukhei.

“Oh fuck this.”

Yukhei laughs in disbelief, and spins on his heel. He doesn’t go back to the table to give his empty glass back to the bar like he usually would, doesn’t even take the time to tip in the little jar in all his stress, just heads to the front door and races past the guard that’s waiting there as he jogs down the steps to the street below.

“Yukhei!” Baekhyun’s voice calls behind him, echoing down the alleyway. The door swings behind him. “Yukhei, wait!”

“No.” Baekhyun grabs onto the back of Yukhei’s sweater, and Yukhei shrugs him off. “ _No_ , Baekhyun. I’m not gonna wait anymore.”

“What?” Baekhyun searches his face. “I just-- you didn’t have to leave so suddenly--”

“Stop it,” Yukhei interjects. “Just stop it. Stop all of it. I-- I’m done.”

Baekhyun pulls back, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Us, Baekhyun.” Yukhei slumps, the muzzle too fixed in place to let him bite. Not that he wants to, in the first place, because it feels like he’s the one that’s been wounded. “Everyone warned me about you, that I should put down boundaries, that I shouldn’t get attached but-- god, you and I were so deep in denial we may as well put down our address as Egypt!”

“Denial?” Baekhyun frowns in confusion. “Denial about what?”

“You know what, Baekhyun.” Yukhei sighs, hurt and tired. “You’ve always known what. And I thought maybe you were too oblivious but--” he laughs, self-deprecating. “--you’re not that stupid. Only I’m the stupid one, I guess, because it took me this long to realise it.” Though maybe some part of Yukhei had always known, he supposes, claiming that Yukhei could hurt himself like this if it ensured Baekhyun’s happiness but… that isn’t fair. Yukhei realises that, now; it’s bad for both of them.

Baekhyun’s flinch and look of guilt is an answer enough, his gaze falling to the ground in shame.

“I thought I could do it,” Yukhei admits. “I thought I could play pretend with you like everything was fine because you were lonely and it felt like you needed me but… I can’t anymore, Baekhyun. I’m not going to let you kiss strangers whether it’s to piss me off or not then crawl into bed with me at the end of the night just because you want it. It’s not fair to me and… it’s not that fair to you either.”

“Yukhei…” Baekhyun’s voice wobbles at the edges. “It’s not… it’s not like that.”

“Isn’t it?” He doesn’t answer. “I’m not here to play pretend substitute boyfriend with you, Baekhyun. I care about you, but now it just feels like--” his voice feels thick, catching in his throat. “--you’ve abused that.”

“No… No Yukhei you’re too good for me,” Baekhyun pleads, holding onto Yukhei’s sleeve. “You always have been, I’m just…”

“Just what?”

“Greedy? Selfish? An asshole?” Baekhyun suggests, laughing emptily. “You’re important to me.” His eyes are wet and it aches inside Yukhei. “I don’t want to lose you, please, I’m sorry.”

“You’ll never lose me.” Yukhei curls his hand over Baekhyun’s, rubbing small circles over it with his thumb. “But I’m not going to give you all of me if it’s not what you want.” He pries his fingers off gently, one by one, until Baekhyun’s hand falls back to his side.

“But I--” Baekhyun cuts off. “I…”

For the last time, Yukhei waits.

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything; despite the sadness of it, Yukhei smiles.

“Goodnight Baekhyun,” he says softly, holding Baekhyun’s shoulders as he places a chaste kiss on the top of his head. “Get home safe.”

Work the next day sucks, predictably, from a mix of exhaustion and bitterness both. Yukhei’s coworkers are wise enough not to ask, and Yukhei’s beginning to understand that his heart is so obviously bleeding on his sleeve it makes him appreciative that they don’t.

Ten is far less forgiving, though, and on Saturday when Yukhei lays in bed to mope instead of going for his usual workout Ten says, “Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

“I put down boundaries with Baekhyun,” he relents pulling the comforter higher over his head as he buries himself into the pillows. “...I lied about sleeping on the couch.”

“Oh Xuxi.” The bed dips as Ten sits on the edge of it, patting his back. “You’re so dumb, you big baby.”

Ten makes him tea and dotes on him, which is nice, but Yukhei still spends most of the weekend in bed moping. It’s made better when Hendery comes over with containers filled with his mum’s cooking and watches One Piece with him, but it also makes Yukhei feel worse.

“It’s not like I got dumped or something,” he tells Hendery and Ten as they argue over what to order for dinner. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Are you kidding me bro? You’re upset.” Hendery knocks their ankles together on the bed. “It doesn’t matter what caused it man, we’re here for you.”

“You’re always so busy taking care of others, Xuxi,” Ten adds. “Let us do the same for you.”

At least Yuqi doesn’t ask about his low mood, though Yukhei suspects Ten has snitched on him anyway. They just play games over call and Yukhei expresses missing Yuqi, excited to see her soon when she comes home.

It’s easier not talking about it or dwelling on it; Yukhei can throw himself into work and anime and video game and distractions and doesn’t have to think about why he feels so cut up inside. Well, he knows why, and it makes him feel dramatic, or stupid, because it’s his own fault it happened to begin with, and they were just friends.

But he misses Baekhyun. It had been the first weekend he’d had without seeing him, and Yukhei hadn’t realised how integral Baekhyun had become to his life until his phone no longer buzzes at work and he feels. Lonely.

But the space and quiet is good for moving on and feeling less like a kicked puppy, and Yukhei is glad Baekhyun understands that. At least he thinks Baekhyun understands that, and hopes that it’s him being a good friend and not a coward, but it’s kind of hard to tell.

Yukhei almost manages to trick himself for a few days there, that he’s over him, until his phone buzzes with an incoming call and Baekhyun’s ugly face lights up his screen. It’s a stupid selfie he’d set as his contact picture sometime when Yukhei had left his phone unguarded, and it squeezes his heart in his chest even now.

“Hi,” Yukhei breathes out.

“Hi.”

The silence is so weighted and awkward Yukhei sits on the edge of his bed from it, stewing.

“Uh. Are you alright…? You usually text.”

“What? Yeah I just…” Baekhyun trails off. Static fizzles. “I guess I just wanted to see if you’d still pick up.”

Yukhei softens flopping back onto the mattress and staring at the ceiling.

“Of course I would,” he says, “You’re still my friend, Baekhyun.”

“Even after I was a dickhead for you for the entire friendship?”

Softly, Yukhei laughs. “Even then.”

There’s silence again, and Yukhei can picture Baekhyun pacing his apartment in worry, probably still in those stupid dog pyjamas even though it’s noon and chewing at his bottom lip as he thinks about what to say.

“Can we um… can we talk?” Baekhyun prompts. “In person. Like… coffee, or something. My treat. I’ll even pick you up.”

Yukhei laughs under his breath.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “sounds good.”

There’s no anticipation or anxiety as he gets ready to meet Baekhyun, just a low sort of hum in his body like it’s bracing itself for the inevitable blow. He’s not afraid of rejection, if anything he’s just relieved that Baekhyun still wants to be friends with him after everything, that maybe they can patch things up and go back to normal like nothing had changed.

Except everything will have changed, because their friendship had never been _normal_ to begin with, their bizarre emotional-fuckbuddies situation had never been healthy. Yukhei pauses for a moment as he’s putting on his watch, wondering if they ever _can_ have a normal friendship, considering his feelings for Baekhyun that haven’t changed even now, then decides he won’t really know unless he tries.

Baekhyun knocks, and Yukhei opens the door to see him standing at the front step in a t-shirt and shorts, wringing a silver bracelet around his wrist and chewing on his lip. His silver hair is dyed a soft baby pink and it makes him look even softer and younger as it hangs over his forehead above rounded cheeks.

So yeah, Yukhei being over him was kind of a fucking lie.

“Hi,” Baekhyun greets. “You ready?”

“Yeah, just one sec.” Yukhei quickly laces up his shoes, shutting the door behind him. “You’re lucky Ten’s at his parents’ right now or he would’ve gutted you.”

Baekhyun laughs. “I’d have deserved it, probably.” He leads Yukhei down the street. “I’m parked down here.”

The silence is stifling, so Yukhei blurts, “I like your hair.” Baekhyun blinks cutely as he looks up at him, startled. “The um, colour. It’s nice.”

“Oh well, you know I like to be adventurous now and I… felt it was time for a change.” He offers a weak smile, then holds the door for Yukhei. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

More awkwardness. Yukhei should’ve suggested they walk to the local cafe, but Baekhyun offers drive-thru instead. Yukhei gets a java chip frappucino and Baekhyun an iced americano with enough espresso shots in it to make Yukhei’s face twist in disgust, placing them in the cup holders between them on the console as he drives.

It’s nice to just sit in the car with Baekhyun’s music and watch the city roll by as buildings turn to trees and he takes them to the fancy southside neighbourhoods where the seawater looks like mercury, still and steady beneath a clear blue sky. He finally pulls into a space facing the water by the edge of the beach and gets out silently, with Yukhei following. Neither of them say anything, though; Baekhyun just takes his little plastic cup and sits on the hood of the car, staring out at the scenery.

So yeah it’s still awkward. Great. Yukhei wishes he knew what to say, but he doesn’t, his brain scrambling to come up with a way to break through the tense atmosphere. It feels like Baekhyun is the one who should be apologising, after everything, even if Yukhei wants to say sorry he holds himself back from it. He’s self-flagellated for Baekhyun’s sake for far too long --it’s his own bad habit.

“I um…” The sound of Baekhyun’s voice is so sudden it makes Yukhei jump, watching as Baekhyun opens the driver’s door and pull something from the compartment. “I realised I never gave you your hat back. It wasn’t right for me to keep it for that long.”

“Oh.” Yukhei takes the snapback, neatly folded and perfectly clean. “Thanks.”

They look at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say. Baekhyun tears his gaze away as he chews on his bottom lip again, staring out at the water.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s a start.

“What for?” Baekhyun’s jaw hangs open as he gives Yukhei a look. “Nah I’m kidding. Go on.”

“Ass.” Baekhyun pinches Yukhei’s waist, making him yelp, though there’s a smile on his face now. It looks more natural, helping Yukhei feel more at ease. “I feel like I should be the older and wiser one here, but that’s you, isn’t it?” He leans back onto his hands, watching dotted clouds float past. “I… You were right, I did know how I felt about you, but I… am good at pretending otherwise, I guess.”

Yukhei huffs. “I’ve noticed.”

“I’m a greedy person,” Baekhyun admits, “even if I’m good at hiding it. I… liked that you liked me, it made me feel… wanted. I’d spent so long running from my sexuality that embracing it like that felt really, really good.” He sighs, straightening up. “But that’s not the only reason I treated you the way I did, I also…” His face contorts, uncomfortable. “I also liked _having_ you, but I just got divorced, Yukhei. It didn’t feel right to jump into any sort of relationship after that. I wanted to experiment and explore.”

“Do you really see being with me as a cage?”

“No! No that’s not it.” Baekhyun runs a hand through his fluffy pink hair. “I… It just doesn’t feel like the right thing to do? I should want to try new things and discover myself, not settle down right after a failed marriage. It’s not you specifically, it’s me.”

“Well… a lot of what you do isn’t the right thing to do,” Yukhei offers, rubbing his arms as the cool wind prickles over them. “Being gay, getting divorced, dyeing your hair, smoking…”

“Okay point taken,” Baekhyun interjects. Yukhei smiles. “I guess I always just want to do the right thing, but--” he sighs. “--the right thing for everyone else isn’t the right thing for me.”

“Yeah I get that,” Yukhei consoles. “I do.”

“And another part is… I was scared.” Baekhyun laughs, though it’s devoid of humour. “I wanted you so much it scared me, because I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. It was so new.” Yukhei’s chest swells, elated. “That’s why even though I kissed all those people I… I only ever wanted you in my bed.”

“You…” Baekhyun looks up at Yukhei, and Yukhei could kiss him. He’s definitely thinking about it. “You are so _stupid_.” He squashes him in a big hug instead, making Baekhyun squeak as he’s swallowed by Yukhei’s arms. “I can’t believe you.”

“Is this forgiveness or are you still mad at me? It’s hard to tell.”

“Both.” Yukhei squeezes once for good measure just to hear Baekhyun wheeze, then pulls away. “You’re so _stupid_. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t explore. I like trying new things too, Baekhyun, but… I just want someone to share those new things with.”

Baekhyun looks surprised for a moment, then softens, a gentle smile blooming on his face.

“That’s such a millennial thing to say.”

“I think I’m Gen Z actually,” Yukhei answers. “You’re the millenial.”

“Wow that is just terrible, thank you.” Baekhyun grimaces. “Don’t remind me that the first boy I’ve ever fallen for isn’t old enough to remember a time before the Spice Girls disbanded.”

“It’s a miracle you were straight passing, seriously.”

“Shut up.” Baekhyun punches Yukhei’s shoulder as he laughs, though there’s no force behind it. Baekhyun’s only ever been gentle with Yukhei, whether he’s breaking his heart or repairing it. Silence settles over them again, but this time it’s comfortable, the air cleared albeit… tense with something, a taut string ready to snap.

“I um… I’m willing to wait,” Baekhyun starts. “If you need time to forgive me or reject me or whatever, but--”

“No.”

“What?”

“No,” Yukhei grabs Baekhyun’s shoulders firmly. “I’m done waiting.”

The kiss is so sudden it’s almost clumsy in it’s force, their mouths brushing together in a way that’s both familiar and not. Baekhyun’s mouth is just as soft as Yukhei remembers, and tasting it again causes a noise to form in the back of his throat, wondering how he’d gone so long without eating the forbidden fruit. Baekhyun’s lips are slack in surprise, at first, but he quickly kisses back, fingers winding into Yukhei’s shirt to keep him close.

Yukhei pulls back for air, licking his lips as they look at each other, but Baekhyun quickly tugs him in again, maneuvering so that Yukhei is between his spread thighs on the hood of the car.

What had started as sweet and soft quickly turns hot and famished, as months of starvation catch up to them in a matter of seconds. Every nip of Baekhyun’s teeth, every brush of his tongue, it fills Yukhei with heat and longing and _want_ , the muzzle is ripped clean off now, and he wants to devour Baekhyun whole.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun laughs as he presses kisses on Yukhei’s cheeks, his jaw, sucking a bruise beneath his ear that makes Yukhei let out an embarrassing noise. “If we weren’t in public I’d shove my hands down your pants so bad right now.”

“I mean that’s never stopped you before with the rips, why stop now?” Baekhyun draws back only to look at Yukhei amusedly. “What?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Yukhei is happy to oblige, and they laugh into each other as Baekhyun falls back onto the car hood completely, pink hair fanned around him as Yukhei pins him down. Baekhyun isn’t tiny, but he feels so small in Yukhei’s arms, every brush of slender fingers over his neck and through the belt loops of his jeans driving Yukhei crazier still.

“So good,” Baekhyun mumbles as his hips move at an angle that make Yukhei inhale sharply, way too turned on for a public makeout right now.

“Car sex?” Yukhei offers as he pulls back to swallow the saliva accumulating in his mouth and admire the view of Baekhyun beneath him.

Baekhyun laughs. “Nope, my place, c’mon.” He wriggles away to open the driver’s door, and Yukhei has to take a moment for his crashed brain to register the lack of warmth and scramble to follow.

Being in Baekhyun’s car with a boner is depressingly familiar, though Baekhyun’s hand on his thigh isn’t helping. It’s even higher and more adventurous than usual, and Yukhei whines, “I hate you.”

Baekhyun just laughs.

The drive back to his apartment is long enough that the tension sort of wobbles and fades, though. Yukhei had imagined himself pinning Baekhyun against the door and kissing him senseless but the nervousness that this is really happening sort of cancels it out. Even being in his apartment to have sex is also familiar --god why did it take them so long to sort their shit out?

Though it’s different now, Yukhei supposes. He’s far less nervous about the sexuality crisis thing, and far less dazed by Baekhyun’s brightness. If anything it’s softer, though heavier, and it makes the anticipation heady and full.

“Is this awkward?” Baekhyun laughs as they walk to the kitchen, leaning against the counter. Yukhei slides their hands together to let Baekhyun play with his fingers. “It feels awkward.”

“Only a little,” Yukhei brings Baekhyun’s hand up to kiss the mole on his thumb the way he’s been daydreaming of for months. “I’m nervous.”

“Yeah, me too. We’re like, gay sex virgins.”

“Sexy.”

“Thanks, I try.” Yukhei wants to lean down to kiss Baekhyun again, so he does. It’s soft and reassuring, and helps to remind him that the nervousness is only a symptom of how important this feels. He wants to make Baekhyun feel good.

“Bedroom,” Baekhyun mumbles, so Yukhei puts years of working out to use as he hoists him up. Baekhyun yelps for a moment, scrambling to get his thighs around Yukhei’s hips and arms around his neck, but when he does he says, “God you’re so hot.” Then kisses Yukhei so firmly it’s hard for him to make it to the bedroom.

He does, in an impressive feat of strength and willpower. Yukhei lays Baekhyun down on the bed and easily crawls over him, running his hands over Baekhyun’s hips and waist and back again beneath his shirt. He’s spent so long fantasizing about having him like this again, and compared to the first time when he was clumsy and unsure, this time he’s far more certain of himself, letting Baekhyun lift the shirt over his head while kissing him, fingers playing with the chain Yukhei has around his neck.

“You’re so hot,” Baekhyun breathes out as a finger runs over Yukhei’s abdomen. “God.”

“I know, you don’t have to keep saying it.” That earns a pinch. “Ow!”

“Shut up.” Baekhyun fists a hand in Yukhei’s hair to tug him in for a kiss, making him whimper. “Touch me.”

“Really?” Yukhei perks up; Baekhyun gives him a strange look. “I mean, last time we were in this situation I didn’t have enough experience for you--”

“Oh my god shut up or I’ll blue ball you right here right now.” Yukhei snaps his mouth shut. “That’s what I thought. Take it or leave it, Xuxi.”

Yukhei’s heart swells hearing Baekhyun call him that, which is stupid since half his friends already do, and kisses him just to have an outlet for it.

The skin of Baekhyun’s narrow waist is so smooth, and Yukhei’s hands slot against it neatly, undeterred by its edges and straight lines. They’d both treated this like sex with a man is any different to sex with a woman, but with Baekhyun’s mouth warm and soft against him, he’s just a person Yukhei likes --a person he wants to make feel good.

He tugs off Baekhyun’s shirt, then presses kisses over his neck, leaving marks at his collarbones. Baekhyun’s breath hitches when he does, fingers winding through his hair as he gasps out Yukhei’s name. Baekhyun tugs him up for more kisses, and Yukhei works on his shorts too, fumbling with the button and zipper and helping Baekhyun kick them down his thighs. Yukhei’s fingers dance at the waistband of his underwear.

“Can I…?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun begs. “Please.”

Taking Baekhyun’s dick in his hand is worth it just for the gasp of pleasure Baekhyun lets out, his arms tightening around Yukhei’s shoulders as he buries his face in the crook of his neck.

“God,” Baekhyun laughs shakily, while Yukhei just jerks him off nice and slow. “I’m so turned on, what the fuck.”

“Yeah that’s how sex works when you’re actually attracted to the person.” Baekhyun bites his shoulder in response. “ _Oww_.”

“I’m not gonna last long I--” Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut, burying closer. “God this is embarrassing.”

“It’s hot,” Yukhei replies, “I want to see you come.”

Baekhyun kisses him, and easily comes into Yukhei’s fingers. He sighs as he does, winding both hands through Yukhei’s hair and kissing him lazily.

“God okay,” he mumbles, sitting up so that Yukhei is forced back, and then a very naked sexy Baekhyun is crawling into his lap. “Your turn.”

“Are you sure old man? I thought one orgasm would’ve knocked you out-- Aahhh.” Yukhei’s sentence ends when Baekhyun’s fingers scrape over the skin just beneath his belly button, making him shiver as they worm beneath his waistband.

“What? I thought you knew I like putting my hands down your pants?” Baekhyun goads, but Yukhei’s brain is too busy going BAEKHYUN HAND ON DICK???? To process anything. Fuck, he’s really turned on too. “Cat got your tongue?”

More like Baekhyun got his dick, but Yukhei moans instead of responding, kissing him. Baekhyun laughs, repositioning so his straddling is a little less awkward as he returns the favour for Yukhei in long, consistent strokes. It builds quickly despite Yukhei’s want to hold back, fumbling for Baekhyun’s free hand to intertwine their fingers together, squeezing.

“Faster,” Yukhei breathes out, and Baekhyun obliges, all until Yukhei comes apart beneath him with a quiet moan, gasping for breath between famished kisses.

They wind down, and the patheticness of male existence post-orgasm drains energy from Yukhei, falling back onto the bed. He takes a moment just to admire Baekhyun beneath him as Baekhyun returns the expression, pinning their entwined hands above his head as the kisses become slower and softer until eventually Baekhyun pulls back.

“Gross,” he comments, grimacing at his sticky fingers in his other hand.

“Oh I just wiped mine on the sheets,” Yukhei offers.

“Yukhei I _sleep_ here.” He sighs. “Great.”

“Yeah but now we have sex here,” Yukhei corrects with a cheesy grin, winding his arms around Baekhyun’s waist as they sit up. “Heh.”

Baekhyun laughs, though it sounds reluctant, pressing his forehead into Yukhei’s shoulder.

“There are lots of other places we can have sex though,” he mutters, pressing a kiss to the base of Yukhei’s throat and making him shiver. “...But maybe not at noon.”

“Yeah daylight sex is weird,” Yukhei agrees. Baekhyun draws back and cups his cheeks, staring at each other.

“Hi,” Yukhei greets.

“Hi,” Baekhyun returns, smiling.

“You like me.”

“I do.”

“A lot.”

His lips twitch. “Maybe.” The touch of his fingers is gentle as they glide down Yukhei’s cheek, his eyes fluttering shut at the touch. “Maybe even more than a lot.”

Yukhei grins, and Baekhyun leans down to kiss him, soft and sweet.

“Can you believe you denied yourself from having this--” Yukhei gestures to his chest. “--god body for so long-- Wait, where are you going?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes after clambering away from Yukhei’s lap.

“Shower,” he returns. “Wanna join me?”

“Ghghjnfgg?” is all Yukhei can manage at the thought of Baekhyun naked _and_ wet, eager to follow him into the bathroom while Baekhyun just laughs.

It’s funny that Baekhyun had feared being with Yukhei so much, since the only thing that’s changed about their relationship is how much sex they have, a point which Yukhei loves to bring up only to earn Baekhyun’s exasperated groan.

There are other little things though, here and there, more vulnerability and more touchiness --somehow-- more affection. It also means the amount of time they spend together increases, not that Yukhei is going to complain, though Ten reminds him he still has to pay his bills even if he’s spending half his week at his _boyfriend’s_ house.

Boyfriend. It makes Yukhei smile like an idiot every time.

He’s doing it even now, scrubbing at the dishes with Baekhyun sitting on the counter beside him.

“Leashes?” he offers.

“Hot.”

“Collars?”

“Also hot.”

“Exhibitionism?”

“Still hot.”

“Peeing?”

Yukhei pauses, hesitating. “I mean… if you _really_ want to…”

“I don’t, but wow.” Baekhyun lets out a breath and lifts his bangs off his forehead. “Where do you draw the line, babe?”

“Um… if it doesn’t involve you?” Yukhei offers. “Then it’s not very sexy.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “What? I thought you _wanted_ to be experimental.”

“You’re so unbelievable.”

Yukhei moves between his thighs, grinning, gloved hands leaving soap all over the counter top.

“Yeah?” he goads. “I happen to have it under good authority you like that about me.”

“Oh do you?” Baekhyun’s smile persists even as Yukhei kisses him, apparently uncaring of the soapy dishwater pooling at his thighs. Baekhyun makes a pleased noise in his throat that just makes Yukhei chase his mouth farther, pushing himself into it.

Baekhyun yelps as he slips a little and stumbles back, a flailing elbow colliding with the pot on the windowsill.

“Prickles!” he shouts, distraught, cradling the small pot in his hands. “It didn’t break, did it?” He holds it at eye level, examining every edge.

Yukhei blinks at the succulent. “It has buds,” he blurts, noting the small, pink blossoms beginning to protrude from its top. He certainly hasn’t been watering it, since the only thing he ever thinks about in Baekhyun’s apartment now is when they’ll have sex again.

“Yeah I sure hope it does,” Baekhyun mumbles, placing it back on the windowsill. “I’ve been taking better care of it, you know.”

Yukhei smiles like an idiot. “You like my gift.”

“Not to shock you, but I like _you_ ,” Baekhyun corrects, tugging off a rubber glove and intertwining their fingers together. “My dumb puppy.”

“Hehehe…” Yukhei noses along Baekhyun’s cheek. “That’s gay.”

“I’m gay. You’re gay. We are two men who are dating and are gay.”

“I know,” Yukhei says, and squeezes Baekhyun’s fingers as he grins at him. “It makes me happy.”

Maybe the dishes can get finished another night, since right now, making out with Baekhyun and carrying him to the bedroom in a familiar routine is far more important.

It takes a lot of sucking up for Baekhyun to earn back the trust of Yukhei’s friends, but offering to buy their drinks for a night helps. He gets Yuqi’s stamp of approval --back for the holiday break-- when he tells her he has a friend who’d be interested in hosting her for her clinicals, and though it’s a bribe for good favour Yukhei has to admit, he’s proud.

“You two disgust me,” Ten announces as he glares at Yukhei’s arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I’m homophobic now.”

Yukhei and Baekhyun glance at each other, then Baekhyun shrugs and reaches for his screwdriver, licking the last few drops off his lips.

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment,” Yukhei decides, ignoring Ten’s groan as he sildles out of the booth, offering out a hand. “Let’s dance.”

It’s even more fun to go out with Baekhyun now that they’re dating and he can unapologetically put his hands all over him in public. Yukhei is certain he catches Kim Chi smiling at them from where she’s dancing for tips, returning the gesture.

It’s even more fun when they go home to Baekhyun’s and makeout, tipsy and horny because of it, riled up from teasing each other while dancing and desperate to get their clothes off.

“So,” Baekhyun starts between kisses, gasping as Yukhei pins him against the wall. “Penetration. Thoughts?”

“Um… hot?” Yukhei offers. He pulls back. “I thought we’d already done the kinklist.”

“We have, but I meant more… you know. Tonight.” He licks his lips, his eyes dark and blown wide and eager. “Not that I have anything against your mouth or hands, but, I thought it’s a new experience for both of us, right? To share together?”

It makes Yukhei’s chest inflate, like it could burst right open and Baekhyun wouldn’t even need to rummage through the pieces to find Yukhei’s heart, it would just flop right over to him obediently.

“I mean… it’s sexy,” Yukhei relents. “Are you… ready… or?”

Baekhyun’s face contorts for a moment. “Who said I’d bottom?”

“Don’t you want to?”

“I do, but I want to fuck you first.” Baekhyun arches an eyebrow. “Do you… not want that?”

“Not really?” Yukhei says, high-pitched. “My butt is very sacred.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want anyone to shatter your precious, flat dinner plate ass.” Yukhei pouts. “Seems a bit hypocritical if you want to fuck me and won’t return the favour, babe.”

An unfortunately good point.

“Paper scissors rock?” Yukhei offers. Baekhyun shrugs and obliges, playing rock to Yukhei’s scissors. “Fuck.”

Baekhyun kisses his cheek between bouts of laughter.

“If you really don’t want to we won’t, puppy.”

“No I do just… I’m intimidated.” Yukhei lets out a shaky breath. “You’ll stop if it’s uncomfortable, right?”

“Of course.” Baekhyun presses another sweet kiss to his cheeks. “I’ll make you feel good, baby, promise.”

Hard to argue with that.

When he makes it home to his apartment the next day, Ten is studying on the fold out chairs and secondhand table, looking up as Yukhei enters.

“You were right,” Yukhei says, still in a daze. “I am a bottom.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, I’m sure you’d make a great service top.” Ten doesn’t even look up from his textbook. “Make sure to lie on your stomach to let your ass heal! Told you so!”

“Fuck you!” Yukhei calls back sweetly.

“I’m open to it if Baekhyun is!”

That earns him Yukhei’s bedroom door slamming shut.

The thing with new relationships is that everyone always says that at some stage the honeymoon period ends and the sweet bubble _pops_.

But Yukhei’s beginning to learn that he and Baekhyun don’t really fall into the woes of heterosexual relationships, because even after months just spending a few days apart is hard for Yukhei, both emotionally and sexually. Getting off without Baekhyun to help just isn’t the same.

But Yukhei’s trying for higher qualifications as a mechanic because it will lead for more money, which means he actually has to _study_ , which is the most foreign concept in the world. Even if it’s cars, something he very much loves and enjoys, as soon as there’s any vaguely textbook looking webpage in front of his face he wants to fall asleep. He needs the money, though; Baekhyun has been teaching him about how to manage his “””finances”””, and something about being with him just makes Yukhei want to save. He wants to buy Baekhyun nice things and spoil him and go on trips with him like they fantasize about. Love really does make you crazy.

He whines about studying in text to Baekhyun, wanting to makeout with him instead of this, but Baekhyun insists on playing the good boyfriend and making it an impossibility, promising that Yukhei can see him once he passes his qualification exams.

 _How about this_ , he texts, _for every chapter you read through, I’ll reward you_.

 _Reward me how?_ Yukhei replies.

The subsequent picture Baekhyun sends makes Yukhei’s eyes widen so large they pop out of his skull. It’s just him, shirtless, but it’s taken at an angle that shows off the marks on his necks and the scratches over his shoulder, a certain sleaziness to it that has Yukhei’s mouth watering.

 _For each chapter you can see a little more, puppy_ , Baekhyun sends, _just to remind you what’s waiting for you when you’re done_.

Yukhei has never read anything in under a day in his life, but by the end of the night he has enough knowledge of engine systems to lecture a college class and many, many salacious photos of Baekhyun’s naked body saved to his phone in an inconspicuous album folder titled _WOOF WOOF WOOF_.

A rainy day makes Baekhyun even more prone to cuddling after all their _congratulations on passing your qualifications_ sex. (Granted, Yukhei had nearly failed since he’d gotten oddly horny from some strange Pavlovian response during the exam, but Baekhyun doesn’t need to know that). It’s nice, lying in bed together with the sheets woven between their bare legs as Baekhyun fiddles with Yukhei’s fingers, his arm holding Baekhyun against his chest.

He kisses Yukhei’s knuckles one by one, then the inside of his wrist, then his palm, kissing over the silver rings he’s wearing too. Because he’s a lustful evil demon, Baekhyun even sucks Yukhei’s fingers into his mouth, his wary dick twitching in interest.

But then Baekhyun just tugs off a ring with his teeth, and spits it out across the room like a straight man spitting onto the pavement, making Yukhei groan while Baekhyun just giggles like the idiot he is. To think Yukhei chose _this_. Ugh.

“You are so annoying,” he grumbles, ignoring the light slap to his ass as he crawls over the edge of the bed to see where his ring bounced to. It had rolled under the bed, and when he reaches for it he pauses, noting a little velvet box next to it.

“Um, Baekhyun?” Yukhei holds it up, watching the way Baekhyun’s eyes widen.”What’s this? I thought you pawned your wedding ring.”

“I did, and that’s not what you think,” Baekhyun says slowly. “I’m literally fresh out of a divorce. I’m not ready to propose to you yet.”

Yukhei smiles like an idiot. “Yet?”

“...The cards are on the table at some point,” Baekhyun admits. “But that was… meant to be a christmas present, I dunno it’s stupid. You can open it.”

Admittedly Yukhei is too curious not to, snapping open the little box and blinking when all that’s inside is a silver house key.

“Look, I know you’re happy with Ten and I’m happy here and we’re not lesbians so you don’t need to move in with me after only a few months,” Baekhyun explains. “But I just thought-- if you leave something here, or you just need somewhere to go, well… the door will always open for you, right?”

Yukhei looks at Baekhyun with big eyes, feeling decidedly wobbly.

“Are you… are you going to cry?”

“No!” Yukhei whines, rushing to hug Baekhyun and smush him against his chest. “I’m just allergic to velvet.”

“Of course you are Xuxi.” Baekhyun strokes his hair tenderly, laughing. “There’s another part to the gift, too, but this one’s really little.” He separates only to open the drawer of his bedside table, pulling out a tiny something wrapped in tissue paper. “They’re meant to go together, so.”

It’s a keychain, a little enamel cartoon of a succulent where one of the leaves is holding up a tiny bi flag.

“I know it’s kind of dumb but I though it was cute…” Baekhyun nervously wrings the bedsheet between his hands. “Please say something?”

“I love it so much,” Yukhei blurts, barreling into Baekhyun’s arms. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

Baekhyun laughs as they fall into the pillows, a hand tracing circles over Yukhei’s hipbone.

“Merry christmas puppy,” he says, his other hand reaching up to cup Yukhei’s cheek, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

Yukhei sniffles, filled with so many emotions about this idiot boy he feels like his heart could burst in his chest.

“It’s November.”

“Eh, time is a fake concept,” Baekhyun says, pulling him in for a grinning kiss. A fake concept like ribcages, Yukhei thinks, certain he’s going to overflow at any moment now. Not that it matters; the contents belong to Baekhyun anyway. “All that matters is you.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> there is a very popular drag queen with the name kim chi, i'm sorry i couldnt think of anything original.  
> [title inspired by](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqw4wo8vdY8)


End file.
